Procrastination by Numbers

[cunningmatt]

But how many of the second 15 can you answer yes to? Because that is what I shall judge you on, unless of course you own a designer handbag in which case THAT is what I shall judge you on!

[fatolaf]

"Networking" is one of the most disturbing terms in the English language, just behind "floating shelves"

Oh consider this sigged.....

[fatolaf]

But how many of the second 15 can you answer yes to? Because that is what I shall judge you on

1. Tell all your younger friends, that like to buy you birthday cards joking about how old you are, to F**K OFF AND DIE!

I take it my stride, because I know that when they hit that certain age, I can take comfort in their total panic

2. Have a Onesome

This could be taken so badly.....

3. Go and buy a new bin for the bathroom

You know when you are getting old when a trip to Ikea becomes a good thing to do

4. Go to McDonalds and don't order Fries

Or be asked by a concerned manager why you and your friend have been standing in the 'Queue' for hours whilst everyone simply walks round you (reason for this can not be put in writing  )

5. Leave a party early to get the penultimate Tube

Or simply dont go at all, much simpler

6. Eat an entire Double Chocolate Cheesecake on your own

Does lemon count?

7. Stalk an ex/"never was" through social media (or even in real life)

Looked a few up on facebook, depressing, wont do that again

8. Go into a toy shop, even though you have no kids to buy toys for

Was a manager of one for a while, put me off going into them again for life

9. Spend an entire day at home in your pyjamas

Do Primark £3 tracky bottoms count? If so, doing it now and it's 6pm....

10. Attempt to get two Weetabix from the packet into the bowl, without dropping a single crumb.

Have not had one let alone 2 in over 2 decades...

11. Delete someone off Facebook you don't really like

Old work mates, do it constantly

12. Run up a flight of stairs on all fours

Wish I had stairs, must try it at the club....

13. Eat a chocolate from your Advent Calendar on the day before you're supposed to

Ba humbug....

14. Go Commando!

Not sure about this one....

15. Leave a comment on my blog

Never stand and shoot against a 2 ton Beastman chariot with 5 reavers.....

[cunningmatt]

Good answers, in response to some of them:

RE: Onesomes!

This could be taken so badly.....

I don't know what you mean! 

RE: Shopping for bins

You know when you are getting old when a trip to Ikea becomes a good thing to do

It was Homebase, therefore I am not old.

RE: McDonalds

Or be asked by a concerned manager why you and your friend have been standing in the 'Queue' for hours whilst everyone simply walks round you (reason for this can not be put in writing  )

Presumably you're spending a long time on deciding what to order, I find that as I'm getting older.

RE: On Chocolate Cheesecake

Does lemon count?

No, chocolate should never be replaced with fruit, especially lemon - what kind of fruit is that, one you can't even eat as it tastes so horrid?!

Do Primark £3 tracky bottoms count? If so, doing it now and it's 6pm....

Yes, I applaud you for wearing them now.

Wish I had stairs, must try it at the club....

Do it, it's great fun!

RE: Matt being a fool

Never stand and shoot against a 2 ton Beastman chariot with 5 reavers.....

There were very good reasons to stand and shoot, possibly, had the chariot been 10 inches further away than I thought.

Oh consider this sigged.....

Cheers! Floating shelves are evil, I mean seriously shelves should not float! This is the work of the devil.

[noahtonkin]

You know when you are getting old when a trip to Ikea becomes a good thing to do

I quite enjoy trips to ikea. it's fun to look at people wishing they had the same flat pack crap as everyone else!(and then of course going and buying some of aforementioned flat pack crap)

[cunningmatt]

Flat pack has become my life this week. I assembled a 50+ piece (NOT including bolts, dowel and joints) from memory and a tiny JPEG as I lost the instructions. So far I am sat here writing and it hasn't collapsed yet....

[cunningmatt]

Update 13 – Thursday 15th September 2011: Let Battle be Drawn.

Hello Procrastination fans, I have something exciting for you this week. Yes, more exciting than the usual garbage that emanates from my mouth at two billion miles per hour anyway. It's time for a battle report, back in July (sorry I've been busy), I took my completed Tale of OG Gamers – High Elves army out on it's very first battle, against Jack and an allegedly fluffy (you can be the judge of that yourselves) Dark Elf army.

We agreed a 2,200 point battle, which gave me 200 points to spend on magic items to top up my existing army (which also saved me the bother of coming up with an army list – genius!).

High Elf Selection

Here's what I took you may wish to click on the pictures to enlarge them:



I used my 200 points to buff up my Lord with the Star Lance (which never works for me!), some armour and a ward save to keep him alive when he engaged those evil Dark Elf characters. Wizbit, the Mage, got the Ring of Fury and the Silver Wand to give him two extra spells, I felt a Level 2 in a 2,200 point might leave me magically light so to speak. With the remaining points I gave the requisite Banner of Sorcery to the Phoenix Guard (I had to have something filthy in the list) and with the final 10 points left I gave the Dragon Prince champion the Gem of Courage just for that break test they're sure to take when it all goes wrong.

My plan was to have all my infantry deployed in the centre to rain missiles down on the advancing Dark Elves, meanwhile the faster moving units would hopefully sweep up the flanks allowing me to get behind the Dark Elf lines. Oh and my Prince on Griffon, his target is not to die, we'll see how that goes.

Wizbit drew from the High Magic deck getting Drain Magic, Shield of Saphery, Flames of the Phoenix and Vaul's Unmaking.

Dark Elf Selection

Here's Jack's army for the Dark Elves:



The Dark Elf Sorceress drew from the Dark Magic deck getting Chill Wind, Blade Wind and Word of Pain.

Battlefield





The battle was played on the club's new lava board. Terrain consisted of a smattering of hills, a burnt out forest and some buildings – presumably built by people who had not watched the Warhammer version of Location, Location, Location (who in their right mind builds on a lava field?).

For the sake of laziness all terrain was mundane (must stop doing this, it's boring), for the sake of sanity all the lava pits were treated as open terrain!

Deployment






The Elves line up ready for battle.

The High Elves deployed the bulk of their infantry in the centre of the battlefield, with their Archers most centrally positioned. Prince Althran bravely hid behind the forest, with the Dragon Princes, Eagles and Ellyrain Reavers taking up the flanks. The Dark Elves deployed their Black Guard behind the hill to protect them from early attacks by the High Elf archery. The fast moving cavalry deployed on the western flank whereas the slower moving infantry deployed in the centre with the Warriors deploying at the eastern end. Both armies deployed their scouts with the Shadow Warriors taking up the far north-eastern corner behind the Dark Elf Warriors and the Shades hiding behind the building near the High Elf deployment zone. Lastly both the Ellyrian Reavers and the Dark Riders made vanguard manoeuvres pleasingly performing a symmetrical set of moves across the table. Is this the beginning of synchronised Warhammer?

High Elf Turn 1






Turn 1 and the Prince bravely pops his head out from behind the forest.

Eager to get to grips with their hated kin, the High Elves declared a wrath of charges with both Eagles diving toward the Dark Riders – though one of them failed to cover the distance, and the Ellyrian Reavers ploughed into the Shades*. Foolishly I placed them just far enough away to allow Jack to stand and shoot resulting in two of the horsemen being shot down.

The rest of the High Elf flanks advanced leaving a core shooting base behind (which as it turned out was a flawed plan as the Lothern Sea Guard and Mage were out of range for shooting and most of the magic!)

In the magic phase the winds blew an average strength, as I rolled 7 for the Power pool, however with most of Wizbit's spells out of range all he could do was attempt Shield of Saphery on the Dragon Princes, which was dispelled with a confident roll of three 6s by Jack. Wizbit then attempted Drain Magic to hinder the subsequent Dark Elf magic phase but that was also dispelled.

With the Lothern Sea Guard out of range the shooting phase was rather poor with the Archers only managing to kill two Crossbowmen, the Bolt Thrower missing the Manticore and the Shadow Warriors failing to wound the Dark Elf Warriors.

In combat, despite the advantage of charging the Reavers could only claim the scalp of one Shade. The Shades struck back inflicting two wounds, one of which was deflected by the armour of the High Elves. With bonuses for charging and standards the Reavers won the combat by two but the Shades refused to give an inch. On the other flank the clearly enraged Great Eagle managed to kill a Dark Rider with both of it's attacks, the Dark Riders despite their hatred only managed one wound in return. Cowering under the savagery of the beast, the Dark Riders fled only to be ripped to pieces by the pursuing Eagle. Who says Great Eagles aren't any good in combat?


The Sorceress stares down the beak of a rampaging Great Eagle.

*Ok, so you spotted the illegal move here. You can't charge on the first turn with troops that have made a vanguard move. We both missed this. But Warhammer I feel should be more like Scrabble as in you can make any move you like, but it is only found out if your opponent challenges it.

Victory Points - end of High Elf Turn 1:

Dark Elves: 0
High Elves: 92

Dark Elf Turn 1



The Dark Elves begun their turn with an ambitious charge from the Dark Elf Warriors on the Reavers to help out the Shades. However the spear armed elves were too far away to join the fray. Meanwhile the centre of the Dark Elf line repositioned to counter the threat posed by the Great Eagle that had broken through their lines and the Dragon Princes thundering towards them. Similarly the Sorceress bravely abandoned the Crossbowmen and headed for the relative safety of the Corsairs. Elsewhere the Dark Elves advanced towards the High Elven line with the Black Guard emerging from the cover of the hill and the Dreadlord landed his Manticore on the hill goading Prince Althran for an epic battle on the hilltop.

Wizbit attempted his best to counter the Dark Elf Sorceress but was clearly outclassed, just dispelling Chillwind cast on the Archers, despite rolling a 4 on 2D6. However he was unable to stop Bladewind killing two more Archers and then Word of Pain reducing their Ballistic Skill to a paltry 1.

In the shooting phase the Crossbowmen desperately tried to bring down the approaching Eagle, but despite five hits they could only do a single wound, leaving the beast alive on one remaining wound. The Cold One Chariot crew faired even worse as they missed the now handicapped High Elf Archers. However the Dark Elves ruled the combat phase as although the Ellyrian Reavers killed another Shade, the Shades slaughtered the remaining horsemen, before reforming, their eyes firmly fixed on their Nagarthye brothers.


The Shades give the Ellyrian Reavers a bloody nose.

Victory Points - end of Dark Elf Turn 1:

Dark Elves: 158
High Elves: 92

High Elf Turn 2



The Dragon Princes and Great Eagle declared a charge against the Crossbowmen, unwilling to face the Corsairs without some extra support. I ummed and ahhhed about sending Prince Althran and his Griffon against the Dreadlord and his Manticore, it was a long charge. But much heckling from Jack about it being an epic battle to fight on a hill, plus the option to use my Star Lance convinced me to go for it. Prince Althran digged his spurs into his mount, the Griffon nobly rose from the ground and hurried towards the Manticore, but then rolled too low for its charge and came to an abrupt halt a short distance from it's start point. I'd have probably heard the Dreadlord laughing, had it not been drowned out by Jack's laughing. Elsewhere the Lothern Sea Guard advanced so they could actually shoot, and the Phoenix Guard inched forwards, not wanting to get too far from the support of the other units. The second Eagle landed in front of the Cold Ones hoping to offer Jack a tempting target to draw them away from the action, but not landing so close as not to have a chance of getting away.

In the magic phase the winds again blew average for the High Elves providing Wizbit with eight dice. He attempted to cast Vaul's Unmaking on the Dreadlord to help out Prince Althran but this was dispelled by the Sorceress throwing in most of her dice to stop it. This left the Mage free to cast Shield of Saphery on the Archers, to protect them from the barrage they suffered in previous turns, and Flames of the Phoenix on the Corsairs killing five of them.

In the shooting phase the Bolt Thrower attempted to shoot the Cold One Knights, but despite five hits all were stopped by the tough armour of the lizard riders. The Archers faired no better with Chillwind meaning they needed 7s to hit the Corsairs, resulting in no wounds. However the Shadow Warriors managed to kill four Dark Elf Warriors with their bows.

The Dragon Princes unleashed their full fury on the Crossbowmen, hitting nine times and causing eight wounds. However one Crossbowmen survived after a cheeky parry save, but he was promptly ripped in half by the Great Eagle. The Dragon Princes overran, as they couldn't reform out of the Corsairs charge arc, whilst the Great Eagle reformed to face the flank of the Corsairs.


The Phoenix Guard head across the lava strewn wasteland.


Prince Althran fails his charge as the Dreadlord looks down on him from the hilltop.


The Dragon Princes nearly clear the table edge.

Victory Points - end of High Elf Turn 2:

Dark Elves: 158
High Elves: 202

Dark Elf Turn 2



Jack kicked off his second turn with a raft of charges; unsurprisingly the Manticore flew headlong into Prince Althran and his Griffon. The Cold One Knights decided to ignore the Great Eagle to their right and attempt a long charge on the Bolt Thrower but they failed to reach it. The Shades also attempted a long charge, this one on the Shadow Warriors but in a recurring theme of this game they failed the charge too. Elsewhere the Cold One Chariot turned to face the Great Eagle in the hope of finally shooting the beast. The Dark Elf Warriors reformed to face the Shadow Warriors, spears at the ready, whilst the rest of the Dark Elven infantry advanced on the High Elf lines.

The winds of magic waned only providing four dice for the Sorceress, though it did allow her to dispel Flames of the Phoenix from the Corsairs. Without the Crossbowmen the Dark Elf shooting phase was limited, but it still provided a chance for Jack to finish of the cursed Great Eagle that had been responsible for the death of two units, sadly it wasn't to be as only one of the Cold One Chariot crew hit the Eagle and that shot failed to wound.

The important combat took place, Prince Althran's martial training allowed him to strike first but without his Star Lance he could only manage two wounds on the Dreadlord one of which was regenerated by the Armour of Eternal Servitude. The Dreadlord did three wounds, one of which was a killing blow, but fortunately this was saved by the ward save of the Guardian Phoenix. The Griffon's attempts to further wound the Dreadlord failed whereas the Manticore successfully did the final wound on Althran who toppled from his steed's saddle. This was too much for the Griffon who broke from combat only to be rundown by the Manticore. Suddenly things were not looking so good for the High Elves.


The Dreadlord slaughters Prince Althran and his Griffon.

Victory Points - end of Dark Elf Turn 2:

Dark Elves: 713
High Elves: 202

High Elf Turn 3



The Phoenix Guard began the turn by charging the Corsairs, whilst the rest of the High Elf army repositioned itself for the next turn. The Eagles and Dragon Princes both moving to face the centre of the battlefield and the Cold One Chariot. The Shadow Warriors, passing their leadership test to see if they were march blocked, ran round the back of the Dark Elf Warriors moving them out of the charge arc of either the Warriors or the waiting Shades.

In the Magic Phase Wizbit used his five power dice to cast Vaul's Unmaking which Jack was unable to dispel removing the Tome of Furion reducing the Sorceress repertoire of spells. The shooting phase saw the Lothern Sea Guard and Archers unleash a volley of arrows in the direction of the Black Guard, five of them dropped down dead. However the Bolt Thrower's attempt to skewer the Manticore missed.

In combat an Assassin leapt out from the Corsairs unit striking down a Phoenix Guard, but the Phoenix Guard did well killing the Sorceress and five Corsairs. The Corsairs themselves rolled badly only doing four wounds, despite the presence of a Master, all of which were promptly saved by the Phoenix Guard's ward. Losing the combat by eight, the Corsairs broke only to be rundown by the Phoenix Guard.

Victory Points - end of High Elf Turn 3:

Dark Elves: 713
High Elves: 864

Dark Elf Turn 3



With the demise of three characters in the Corsairs unit Jack was desperate to claw some victory points and so swung the Cold One Knights into the flank of the Lothern Sea Guard. Meanwhile the Dark Elf Warriors and Shades again manoeuvred to try and get the Shadow Warriors in their charge arc. The Manticore swept along the south edge of the board to threaten the High Elf missile troops. Whereas the Black Guard out for vengeance spun round to face the Phoenix Guard.

With the Sorceress dead the magic phase was non existent, so it was onto the shooting phase. The Shades shot down one of the Shadow Warriors, while the Cold One Chariot finally got its prize and shot the Great Eagle that had claimed so many Dark Elf scalps.

In combat the Lothern Sea Guard did manage to cause a wound on the Cold One Knights, but it was deflected by their black armour. The Cold One Knights managed to kill a surprisingly low four of the Sea Guard. Fortunately for the Sea Guard, they passed their break test and managed to reform to face the Cold One Knights head on.


The Manticore bares down on the Archers.

Victory Points - end of Dark Elf Turn 3:

Dark Elves: 763
High Elves: 864

High Elf Turn 4



The Dragon Princes swept down into the Cold One Chariot in an effort to rack up more victory points, the Shadow Warriors again moved to avoid the Dark Elf Warriors and Shades. The Phoenix Guard and remaining Great Eagle turned to face the approaching Black Guard. Whilst the Archers swift reformed in a desperate bid to shot down the approaching Manticore.

The Winds of Magic again blew weakly, but Wizbit is able to cast Shield of Saphery on his own unit to help them withstand another round with the Cold One Knights. Meanwhile in the shooting phase the Bolt Thrower and Archers lose a volley at the Manticore but it emerges completely unscathed.

In combat the tide turned for the Cold Ones now they didn't have their lances and had to face the full ranks of the Sea Guard. The Sea Guard themselves cut down two Cold One Knights, and then Wizbit, the Mage, managed to strike down a third with his staff (go Wizbit!!!). Shocked the Cold Ones only managed one wound in return which was saved by the Shield of Saphery. The Cold One Knights broke from combat, only to be pursued by the Lothern Sea Guard but they failed to catch them. The Dragon Princes inflicted five wounds on the chariot with their lances, but three of those wounds were saved by the chariots hefty armour save. In return the Cold Ones inflicted two wounds, and with two rolls of 1 for the armour save two Dragon Princes tumbled from their steeds. With the success of the Cold Ones the chariot refused to flee leaving the Dragon Princes locked in combat.

Victory Points - end of High Elf Turn 4:

Dark Elves: 763
High Elves: 889

Dark Elf Turn 4



The Dreadlord's Manticore bellowed a loud roar as it ploughed into the Archers, too close to stand and shoot the best they could do was pass their terror test so as not to flee. The Black Guard led by the Master with Battle Standard charged into Caradryan and his Phoenix Guard eager to avenge the loss of the Corsairs. Meanwhile the Cold One Knights rallied and the Shades and Warriors continued their dance with the Shadow Warriors, the Shades managed to pick off another High Elf with their crossbows.

With the points so close all the combats were important as they could potentially swing the game. In combat the Dragon Princes did another wound to the Cold One Chariot for no wounds in return, leaving the Chariot on one wound but unwilling to flee. The Manticore and Dreadlord ripped into the Archers but were unable to kill enough to stop them being steadfast, and buoyed by the fact they managed to wound the Manticore once, the Archers refused to break. Caradryan lead the Phoenix Guard by example, killing two Black Guard and the Phoenix Guard went onto kill a further three. In return the Black Guard inflict five wounds, but three were saved by the Phoenix Guard's armour and the other two were saved by their ward. The Battle Standard Bearer did bring down one of the Phoenix Guard, but it wasn't enough to win them the combat. However they easily passed their break test and carried on fighting.

At this point the pub had shut (about five hours ago), so we were forced to call the game and with no extra victory points scored this turn, the scores remained:

Victory Points - end of Dark Elf Turn 4:

Dark Elves: 763
High Elves: 889

Meaning a narrow victory for the High Elves, just scraping a win (over a draw) by 26 points (pretty much the bonus for getting the Cold One's standard).

Conclusion

So a win, just, though would I have won if it lasted until Turn 6? Maybe, the Cold One Chariot was doomed (as were my Archers), hopefully I could have got to grips with those Cold One Knights and then the Black Guard were suffering at the hands of Caradryan and co. But I did have a Manticore on the loose, and I think my Shadow Warriors only had a few more turns of running left. So perhaps.

All in all, the plan went reasonably well, the left flank certainly broke through the Dark Elf lines, the right flank went a bit off the boil. And the centre infantry broadly did what it was supposed to do. So which units did I think performed well, the Phoenix Guard proved they're not just defensive infantry dealing with the Corsairs and keeping the Black Guard in check (in fairness I had some jammy ward save roles, but having played against Phoenix Guard many times, I think it's my turn!). Special mention to the lone Great Eagle who took out the Dark Riders, helped with the Crossbowmen, and annoyed the Chariot for two turns before finally being brought down. And then there's Wizbit who not only didn't blow up all game, but held his own in a rather lack lustre magic phase (without the Banner of Sorcery we'd have been lost) and then he also clobbered a Cold One Knight dead.

But on the bad side, the Ellyrian Reavers died straight away, in fairness they'd made an illegal move so probably deserved. One day I'll use them correctly, one day, you'll see. Prince Althran really should have declined his charge, as it lead to him being fodder for his alter ego, Manticore riding Dreadlord, instead once I failed the long charge he was as good as dead and then I had a Manticore flying around to deal with. However worst performer has to go to the Bolt Thrower who must have been loaded with rubber bolts, the few that did hit failed to wound – not a single kill to the deadliest piece of Elf weaponry. Shocking.

All in all a good game, many thanks to Jack for playing with me/putting up with my note taking. Next time my Prince is getting the charge in, next time...

That's it for this now. Who knows next time I may have even finished the Swordmasters by then (or alternatively I have already finished them, but have twittered on enough about battles so am saving them for next week - who can say?)

[Dave]

nice report, sounds like a right good fun game.

[cunningmatt]

Cheers mate was a fun game, fluffy lists are the way forward. Glad you liked the report, probably shouldn't have spent so long drawing in the lava fields. Dam Lee for making such a complicated board 

[Dave]

I was amazed by just how accurate your map was, and in no way at all obsessive compulsive...