Clan Visp Squeaks to War!

[Undead Dan]

Greetings, my fellow rat. You are priveliged to have found the records of the great Grey Seer Nailtail, the greatest, most skilled, potent Seer since the birth of our great race! What do you mean "never heard of him"? Well it's a good thing I made a biolgraphy of my tail (tale- yes, I do puns as well)!

Our story starts in the Clan's homelands, a mere couple of hundred kilometres south of the putrid man-city of Altdorf. I have been ordered here by the Council to attend a warpstone refinery, with attached Clan Moulder labs. My work is all very complicated but rest assured it is necessary for the advancement of our most glorious species. However, being a Seer, I also See things, and a particular Divination occured to me, telling me of a great war that must be fought. I requisitioned 2500 warp tokens to pay for a small but powerful force to march to the battlefields, a small hovel known as Sion. The tokenmaster grumbled severely at the expenditure, but perked right up when I told him that I would be leading the army myself- the thought of a great Skaven victory must have made his musk glands thrill with patriotism!



As commander of this battleforce, I have seen fit to only pay myself 318 of the warptokens. You may gasp, dear reader, at my excessive generosity- that is less than 1 fifth of the cost of the army itself. But you see, it is my duty as a great Skaven general to put the successes of the army before my own personal gains. Here is the full roster of the expenses submitted to the tokenmaster general:
Grey Seer Nailtail (That's me!!!), with Tail Weapon, Skalm (Yum!), Dispel Scroll, Rival Hide Talisman, riding the Screaming Bell - 518 Warptokens
Chieftain bearing the Battle Standard, wearing Glittering Scales and carrying a Shield, with a Potion of Toughness (made from real Dwarf bumhole!), and bearing the Dragonbane Gem - 122 Warptokens
Warlock Engineer, 1st Level Wizardry Trinkets, bearing the Doomrocket and carrying a Warp Energy Condender - 115 Warptokens
30 Rat Citizens of Clan Visp, carrying assorted hand weapons and shields, wearing light armour, with full command and an attached Poisoned Wind Mortar - 220 Warptokens
30 more Rat Citizens of Clan Visp, carrying assorted hand weapons and shields, wearing light armour, with full command and an attached Poisoned Wind Mortar - 220 Warptokens
3 packs of 25 Slaves, carrying whatever they can lay their filthy hands upon, including various bells and whistles, with Pawleaders to lead them - 56 Warptokens each
40 of Nailtail's Elite Stormvermin bodyguard, bearing Halberds. The regimental standard is none other than the Storm Banner, the unit is lead by a Fangleader, has a Drummer, and an an attacked Warpfire Thrower (BURN!!!) - 425 Warptokens
6 Clan Eshin Gutter Runners, with a multitude of poisoned weapons including throwing stars. The unit is lead by a Deathrunner - 114 Warptokens
6 Clan Skyre Warplock Jezzails - 120 Warptokens
Clan Skyre Doomwheel (ZZZAAAP!!!!!!) - 150 Warptokens
Clan Skyre Warplightning Cannon - 90 Warptokens
Hellpit Abomination - 235 Warptokens
Total: 2497  Warptokens (The cheeky tokenmaster kept the last three for himself!!!)

An impressive force, no? All except that last creature. I tells you, I contacted the Clan Moulder sales rep, and asked him if he had any Rat Ogres in stock. He shook his head sadly and told me that the higher-ups had used them all up to create their latest toys, and there were none left. But I could, if I wanted, take the creature that they came up with. They asked how much I was going to pay for the Rat Ogres and I said 235 Warptokens and what do you know, that's the exact same cost that they were willing to send the beast to me for. How convenient. I asked how many Master Moulders does that include, and apparently, none! Supposedly it ate them all! And they expect ME to be able to control it now? What a rip-off... I mean, just look at the name. They plaster "Hellpit" onto the front just to make you think "OH it's from Hell Pit, it MUST be awesome", but they also try to appear trustworthy by calling it an "Abomination". No-one wants it, they couldn't wait for me to agree to take it off their hands. Band of charlatans, that's what Clan Moulder are. If it weren't for the fact that my magic sadly does not work over the Farsqueaker, I would surely have flayed him for his impetuousness. Mark my words, the "Abomination" will be the biggest waste of 235 Warptokens you have ever seen.

So, with war on the horizon, I have summoned my Stormvermin from their guardpost. We shall march to Sion where I will meet up with Planchard, a famed Skaven Warlord of the region who shall transfer his forces to my control. And then, to battle! We shall rend and maim and burn once again!

...

7 days later

...

My faithful Stormvermin still have not arrived to escort me to battle! I suspect treachery. That's the problem with so many of my lesser cousins, they can't stand to see a comrade successful. Even if- Oh, what's that? Ahh, is there any sound more reassuring than that of dozens of pairs of Stormtroopers' boots coming for you? Err, to follow my commands. Not to take me away for trial for crimes against the ratrace. Not this time... I feel my musk glands tightening. Ooh I know, I shall just grab this gadget the Clan Skyre boffins made up for me. It's called an iCatcher, and lets you take still visual pictures of what's going on! Much better than their last product, the iGouger. Man that was a rip off. Anyway, if I have a picture of them they can't possibly arrest me... at least, they can't beat me...


WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

My rats, my faithful rats! Some curr has cast a spell on them! We cannot see their arms or heads, and there's covered in some weird grey aura. I'll bet it was Thanquol, he's so jealous of me, and always squirting his musk where it isn't wanted. I'll just apply a counter-spell and hopefully fix my fierce bodyguard.

There we go! Hmm, they still appear grey, and some kind of weird square box has appeared at each of their paws. Perhaps this is a manifestation of their soul? Finally, proof of the superior Skaven soul, I shall have to seek funding to examine this further. Now I shall just have to work out the grey and put some colour back into their cheeks.

...

7 days later

...

There we go! I told them, don't worry, my children, when you are pushing me on my Screaming Bell into glorious batle, you shall benefit from its protective magical aura and such hexes will never affect you again. Of course the stupid soldiers don't know that our magic resistance doesn't do a dicky-bird to stop a hex, but hopefully this will make them even more braverer.

So, finally my rats are ready to war. It took all my patience and brilliance, but all 40 of my loyal bodyguard are ready to march into war with me. I say loyal, but I actually wouldn't turn my back on a single one of them- good thing I'll be perched on top of my Screaming Bell with Rex to look after me. The blasted Stormvermin refused to march into battle until they had taken a mudbath with specially imported Devlan Mud- you can see in this picture that they used all of it on themselves, didn't even save any for me!


A bit blurry but what ya gonna do.

So, now that my Stormvermin are ready, we shall march in just two days time. I am very excited, for I surely shall bring glory to the Skaven Empire, the Council of Thirteen, the Horned Rat himself... and if there's any left, my humble self!

[cunningmatt]

Lovely background! Though there seems to be an awful lot of talking and not much painting 

[Undead Dan]

Haha, trust me, I put more hours into the painting than the rambling

I am borrowing 90% of the army, hopefully will have pretty pictures of that to go along with it, then when I'm back in England I can get a load of Skaven and continue the painting...

[cunningmatt]

Haha, trust me, I put more hours into the painting than the rambling

Ahhhh, that's where I've been going wrong! Keep it up, look forward to hearing how Clan Visp gets on.

[fatolaf]

Good One Dan, I think it's abot time you came home though, the Swiss air seems to be playing with your mind a tad....

[Undead Dan]

Spies, spies are everywhere! Despite regularly executing the most miserable of messengers, I intercepted this rediculous note:

"Greetings frend!

Beeware, great danger approaches! The eevul skaven approach, led by the cunnin and mean Seer Nailtail! He is a grate wizard, hoo knows all kinds of Ruin spells. Not only that but he has a few warp tokens- make shoor yoor spies tell yoo how many as yoo go to worr! But dont think he is weak, for he has a rival hide that makes him hard to hit! And iff thats not enuff he can drink his Skalm to heal his wounds!!

Wotch out foor the Skaven magicks, when the winds blow, not only will Nailtail and his lootennent try and channel more energy, the engineer has a Warp energy condenser to let him channel even moor!! Nailtail rides a scary Screaming Bell, which will ring after they haff stolen the magic winds! He will ring da bell! Wotch out forr da noise, if it rings twice or three times it will hurt the rats pushing the bell! Yoo can cover yoor ears but it wont help, you must destroy the Screaming Bell! Shoot it wiv cannons!! But wotch out, cos his Stormvermin carry the Storm Banner, which will surely stop your artillery and gunners!

The way to beat the dreaded ratmen is to make them run away- kill the chief holding the battle standard and yoor job will be much easier! But killing him wont be easy, as he has Glittering Scales that make him hard too see, and might even drink a potion of toughness, but if you can catch him out he might not get a chance!

Watch out forr his lootenant as well, as he has a speshul Doomrocket, that he might fire at any time, even as you try and charge him! Also be careful of the Gutter Runner Scouts, they haff ninja shurikens, and their leader is even better at dodging than them!

If yoo follo this adviss yoo mite havv a chance to survivv. Good luck and may the horned man protect yoo!
Sinseerly,
yoor frend

The nerve, to give away all my secrets! I shall keep this scrawling by my side at all times during the battle. Being general of a glorious Skaven army is no simple task, with remembering everything that everything can do. I mean, I have no problems with my memory, but perhaps one of my underlings will see the note, and remind them of what they should be doing. Not only that but the manuals that my technology has been given are lengthy and flummoxing- one book has 5 pages of errata, and halfway through it starts at the beginning again! I have transcribed the proper, full errata, but I'm sure it won't be made easy for me. Now, how does this fancy gun work...