Procrastination by Numbers

[cunningmatt]

I'm sorry, your a what at night?

We all have to moonlight to make ends meet!

[cunningmatt]

Update 58 – Tuesday 27th March 2012: Bathing with the Masses

The other day I was going to the toilet – apologies for starting a blog with this sentence, but if you had any standards of taste and decency you'd surely by now know that you need to leave them at the door when dealing with this blog. Without wishing to be indelicate, I was having an extended visit to the bathroom, if you know what I mean. This particular visit was happening in a bathroom in a company I happened to be visiting, not one of my regular bathrooms. I promise this is all important information. It was then whilst "at stool", that I glanced to the right, to notice a full length mirror. A full length mirror showing a reflection of myself on the toilet. Why on earth would you put a full length mirror in a toilet? I tried to look away, but like a horrific car crash, I was drawn back. There I was witnessing my body in the least flattering of circumstances, and as I glanced down I saw the hideous rolls of fat bulging over the rim of the toilet bowl.

You're probably feeling somewhat nauseous reading that statement, so imagine how I felt seeing it in person. There at that moment it became clear why I was single, because I had the physique of an old bean bag, recently sat on by Heather from Eastenders (rest in peace). It was time to do something about it, and hence I have made a concerted effort to get back into swimming. Yes that's right exercise, I know I am as surprised as you.

I've previously been a reasonably regularly swimmer, I wouldn't say I was a good swimmer, but then I've never drowned so that must say something. My last regime of water-based exercise ended when I was unfortunate enough to read a set of rules printed on the wall of Brixton Leisure Centre. It was the final rule that got my attention:

"Rule Number 7: If you notice any discharges of bodily fluid into the pool, please inform a member of staff immediately."

Then printed directly underneath it said:

"Enjoy your swim"

Which is now impossible, given what you've just read. And thus I decided swimming wasn't for me.

Anyway to mark my return to the swimming pool, just in time for the London 2012 Olympics – which is entirely coincidental I assure you, I thought I'd give you some of my rules of swimming. These rules, you'll be pleased to know, primarily don't involve bodily fluids. They simply represent a series of what I believe are socially acceptable ways to behave in a swimming pool – though it probably wouldn't do any harm to make them law punishable by death.

Here's the Draconian laws that I will now pass:

•   No affection in the swimming pool. Heavy petting in the deep end, holding hands across lane ropes and god forbid a naughty kiss near the diving board should all be banned. There's just no need for it, save the hideous displays of affection for the escalators on the Underground (though if it could be banned from there too that would be nice).
•   My speed is the correct speed. The lanes in my pool are divided into Fast, Medium, Slow and an unnamed lane which presumably is for those so slow that they'd be considered static. I swim in the medium lane, if you are swimming faster than me go in the fast lane, and if you're swimming slower than me get in the slow lane.
•   Don't pull out in front of me. If I'm coming to the end of pool, and about to turn round, don't suddenly pull out in front of me and force me to stop. You wouldn't do it in a car because we'd up having a multi-car pile-up. And a multi-swimmer pile-up will make the least touchy-feely people feel very awkward.
•   Old men should not wear tight inappropriate swimming trunks. Self-explanatory really.
•   Good looking men should wear tight swimming trunks – I need a cheap thrill in my life, and a reason to do exercise. So do your civic duty and help out.
•   Get your hair wet. Anyone who isn't prepared to get their hair wet should instantly be relegated to the slow lane. Bobbing about with your head above water, in the fast lane is annoying and not fast.
•   No talking at the ends of the pools. It's not a bloody coffee shop, if you're lucky enough to have a friend stop showing off and clogging up the end of the pool so no one can swim.
•   No diving over me. I don't appreciate people diving over me, to get an athletic start in their lane swimming. I remember 999 with Michael Buerk, there's every chance you could land on me and break my back into more pieces than the NHS will soon be in.
•   No backstroke. Backstroke is about as socially friendly, as releasing a combine-harvester into the swimming pool – only more people get injured. Until some special magic goggles that allow you to see where you are going are invented, no backstroke in the pool.
•   Don't have more fun than me. Basically this is what all my rules are saying, and to be honest this one can be applied both in and out the pool. I am a grump, don't have more fun than me, it makes me jealous.

There you go, ten rules that will make my life better in the swimming pool – well they would if I hadn't shamed myself by choking on water the other day and the life guard coming over to check I was alright.

I'll be issuing some rules for other life situations soon, so look out for them.

[fatolaf]

You using Clapham's Pool?..........................Brave man

[cunningmatt]

You using Clapham's Pool?..........................Brave man

It's new, no one has pooed in it (yet). And it has an adjustable depth deep end which is amazing - I suspect it is the secret hideout of Thunderbird 1!

[cunningmatt]

Update 59 – Wednesday 28th March 2012: Sticky Messes

Now you've jumped to conclusions haven't you reading the title, naughty, naughty...

I am of course referring to glue, more specifically Games Workshop's new Citadel Glues – yes I know everyone is talking about the new Citadel Paint Range, but I can't talk about that because it's not out until April 7th (my birthday by the way, cards and presents always welcome) and thusly I haven't tried it! And shockingly I think it would be best to try before judging, I know I'm in a minority but there we go.

The new Citadel Glue range, much like the average Page 3 Sun model comes with two primary characteristics: Thick and Thin.



We're already familiar with our old friends Super Glue Thin and Plastic Glue Thick (and their friend PVA Glue who always likes to lurk):



We're used to assembling our models with them, finding that none of the pieces we've attempted to join have joined, but we have managed to glue an Ungor's head to our elbow. Standard practice really.

Super Glue Thick, I haven't yet used, according to March's White Dwarf (March 2012), it's useful for gluing large scale Finecast, resin or metal kits. And I haven't got any of those to assemble at present.

However withthe large amount of plastics still left to assemble from my High Elf Mega Army deal I bought before Christmas – because why have 2,000 points of High Elves when you can have 7,000 (yes I have no idea why I'm doing it either)?, it was time to break out the Thick and Thin Plastic Glues.

But what to assemble?! Well I couldn't wait any more, the only missing unit from my High Elf army is those White Lions, so I couldn't let the 20n models worth sit unloved in that box anymore. So it was time to assemble them. I also decided to assemble the extra chariot I got, as a second White Lions Chariot, why? Well because I was in a White Lions mood. And then I looked at the Dragon Sprue – having enjoyed assembling and painting my recent Prince on Dragon the opportunity to assemble a Dragon Mage (the only main character option missing from the army too) seemed too good to miss.

For most of the Chariot and the Dragon I used the normal Plastic Glue, designed apparently for the larger models this seemed like the right choice. And in no time I had my chariot sub-assemblies ready:



To tie everything together I decided to use a couple of spare heads from my White Lions sprues for the chariot crew, though this did require me to make necks out of Green Stuff, else they'd end up looking like Sandi Toksvig (according to Vic and Bob!). Basically on the chariot kit the heads have the necks, whereas on the White Lions kit the torso has the neck – hence my neck lass (or even necklace) problem.





The Dragon was relatively quick to assemble, I used the parts from the kit I didn't use on my original Dragon to give as much difference between the two beasts as possible. This resulted in a more spiny dragon which I felt reflected the nature of the Fiery Dragon Mage's mounts. As before the rider, back rest, wings and reins were left as separate sub-assemblies:





For the riders I couldn't really decide between the Dragon Mage or the Archmage, both looked pretty cool, and thinking that a third Dragon might be a bit excessive I decided to use the spare parts from my original Dragon kit to build both riders and planned to use some trusty blu-tac to let me swap between the two for various battles.

Like always, I had planned not to just copy the assembly shown on the box, but as always Games Workshop had chosen my favourite bits for the models shown, so I ended up with these two chaps (look familiar):





I did intend to use a different head for the Dragon Mage:



But given that the Dragon Mage's staff is lowered, I felt that with a relatively flat head shown above the rider lacked sufficient height to sit amongst the tall spines of the Dragon. So off that came, and on went the standard one from the box lid!

The White Lions, are one of the three most recent(ish) releases for the High Elves, and having very much enjoying building the Dragon Princes and the Phoenix Guard I was eager to get going with the White Lions. They really didn't disappoint, I think they look amazing.



They are a little fiddly to assemble, as is any plastic kit armed with two-handed weapons. As its always tricky and fumbeful (probably not a word, but needed a synonym for fiddly) to try and line up all the arms and the weapon and get them all glued at the same time! Thankfully the Lion-shaped shoulder armour pad covers up a multitude of assembling sins, meaning it doesn't matter too much if the arms don't join perfectly.



So far these guys have been a bit fragile, both with their Great Weapons, and the fact that their dynamic posing means their almost just attached to their base on tip-toes! The other problem is that one particular axe is particularly thin (not glue thin, just thin, thin) and I ended up having to pin all of the ones I used to keep them together as they snapped in the same place!



Fortunately, this is where Plastic Glue Thin came to the rescue to look after repairs and little jobs (though I used Super Glue for the pinning). Once I'd managed to unscrew the bloody thing:





Turns out my Plastic Glue Thin, had a bit of a problem (oh dear) and had managed to stick itself together before I even got it home – fortunately Games Workshop as always had excellent customer service and sorted me out with a new tube! (That's not even a joke, it's a true statement said sincerely!)

The new Plastic Glue is good for those tiny little joins, particularly on infantry models allowing you to get the glue exactly where you intend! Though a little bit on fingers as always, but it wouldn't be the same without that – it would be like Britain's Got Talent without the urge to punch Amanda Holden, just wrong I tell you, just wrong!

So with that done all that was left was some undercoating, I also took last week Finecast assemblies out for a spray!



As you may have seen, I got a bit carried away with the White Lions and started painting them already, but we shall talk about that another time!

And that is it, it's also it for a couple of weeks! Sorry guys, I won't be updating officially the longest blog on the OG Forum (we overtook Tale of OG Gamers – High Elves the other week!) for a little while. Because I'm on a work trip to Los Angeles, yep I realise that even saying that makes me sound like an utter w**ker! But if it makes you feel better I'll be turning 30 pretty much as soon as I get back, see karma giveth and then taketh! Don't worry I won't be going on about the LA thing too much – did I mention I'm flying business class. No? Oh I'm flying business class!

Have a great couple of weeks and yummy Easter, and I'll be back blogging very soon!

[Dave]

so not only a wan**r but an old one too!  Cool stuff and enjoy your trip.

[fatolaf]

I see from your tweets today that you got turned away from the business class lounge though....

[cunningmatt]

I see from your tweets today that you got turned away from the business class lounge though....

I soon explained who I was! Lunchtime here in LA!

[Meals]

Say hi to the bunnies for me ;-)

[cunningmatt]

Update 60 – Thursday 26th April 2012: I'm Back!

Yes like an undercooked Gregg's sausage roll I've returned, and in a slightly poorer condition than you last saw me. That's right I am now the wrong side of 30, I'd like to take this opportunity to say thanks for all the birthday wishes, I say I'd like to say thanks... but sadly not many birthday wishes came my way. ;) Fortunately I'm not a bitter person... ok I am a bitter person, but I've not got the physical strength to carry out any form of physical retribution so you're alright.

In the last month since I last paid a proper visit to the international blog-o-sphering uber sensation that is Procrastination by Numbers (you can see I haven't lost the ability to bulls**t), there's been a few exciting releases from those naughty little plastic crack merchants (and I mean that nicely) that call themselves Games Workshop.

Of course probably the biggest noteworthy event was the release of enough new shades of Citadel Paint to accurately paint a 256 million colour computer display without the need to mix any paints.



Not that I am unhappy, the new paint range looks great. Though that combined with my 30th birthday I am now going to feel incredibly old as I struggle to refer to the new paint names. I shall be clumsy wielding around Goblin Green and Tentacle Pink in the same way that my dad manages to say Post Office Tower when referring to the BT Tower. Still at least I won't have to work out how to say or spell Astronomaciashaiashianshian Grey any more – maybe someone one day will reveal how I say that word!

Excited as I am by the paint range, I'm not prepared to throw this little lot of Citadel pots in the bin just yet:



...or change the colour scheme of my current army. But don't worry we'll get to those new paints in the next week of two. I know you can barely contain yourselves you excitable little fools.

There's also the brand new Empire army book and releases to talk about.



Thanks to Games Workshop for releasing these on my birthday to mark the celebration, much appreciated that you recognised the importance of the day! Because for the first army book in god knows when there hasn't been a limited edition release of Battle Magic cards I haven't had to run down to Games Workshop like an excitable 15 year old racing to get the last bottle of spot cream.

However I've had a look online and am definitely impressed with what I've seen. Having played the amazing Heroes of Might & Magic series of computer games:



I've got used to a "human/Empire" army that's a bit more mixed with fantasy than the 7th edition Empire was. Heroes of Might & Magic routinely mixes in Griffons and Angels to the soldiers of the realm, so Empire always a felt a bit too "normal" (obviously ignoring the Steam Tanks, wizards and odd Griffon mount). But now the Empire has that hint of fantasy that for me it has always missed, with the amazing new Demigryphs Knights the super-size Griffons (some with extra head – don't be rude), and the selection of new "non-fantasy" heroes etc. that keep the Empire fully routed in its human routes. For me however the stand-out kit, that one that really is tempting me to paint up an Empire army (noooooooooooo don't do it), is the Celestial Hurricanium:



I like the Luminark of Hysh, but the Celestial Huricanium really appeals to me. I'll be honest it's the unashamed physicist in me that's always been a fan of the planets and stars, that's so pleased to see a giant planetarium that can be wheeled onto the battlefield. It's probably s**t on the tabletop, but when's that stopped me liking a model? Perhaps who knows, even if I don't paint an Empire army I'll do a one off Celestial Hurricanium. Hmmm.

Anyway in a bid to distract myself from rushing to Ol with a bunch of cash in exchange for a Celestial Hurricanium, I'll talk about what I have been painting whilst I've been gone.

Up first I did a bit of green stuff to finally finish off The Bloody Reaver, where the parts didn't quite join See Update 54 – unfortunately my attempts to take a photo of this failed. So you will have to believe me!!

Then I painted up some other bits that you saw me construct back in Updates 56 & 59. Here's guides to where I've got to with one of my final High Elf units the White Lions of Chrace:

Stage 1 - White Lions







Flesh (Lion & Elf): Dwarf Flesh
White Cloth: 1:1 Astronomacian Grey/Skull White
Silver Metal: Chainmail
Gold Metal: Tin Bitz
Lion Fur: Dheneb Stone
Lion Skin (Tail): Dheneb Stone
Shoes & Leather: Scorched Brown
Base: Khemri Brown
Wood: Khemri Brown
Yellow Armour Trim: Iyanden Darksun
Blue Feathers/Ribbons: 1:1 Enchanted Blue/Ice Blue

Stage 2 - White Lions







Flesh (Lion & Elf): Layer Elf Flesh
White Cloth: Layer 2:1 Astronomacian Grey/Skull White
Silver Metal: Wash Badab Black
Gold Metal: Cover Shining Gold
Lion Fur: Wash watered down Gryphonne Sepia
Lion Skin (Tail): Wash watered down Gryphonne Sepia
Shoes & Leather: Wash Badab Black
Base: *NONE*
Wood: Layer watered down Graveyard Earth
Yellow Armour Trim: Layer Golden Yellow
Blue Feathers/Ribbons: Layer Ice Blue

Stage 3 - White Lions







Flesh (Lion & Elf): Wash watered down Ogryn Flesh
White Cloth: Layer watered down Skull White
Silver Metal: Highlight Chainmail
Gold Metal: Wash Gryphonne Sepia
Lion Fur: Wash watered down Graveyard Earth, then wash watered down 1:1 Graveyward Earth/Scorched Brown
Lion Skin (Tail): Layer Desert Yellow
Shoes & Leather: Highlight Beastial Brown
Base: *NONE*
Wood: Layer watered down Bleached Bone
Yellow Armour Trim: Layer Sunburst Yellow
Blue Feathers/Ribbons: Layer 1:1 Ice Blue/Skull White

My first finecast model Tyrion got this treatment:

Stage 1 – Tyrion



High/Dark Elf Flesh: Dwarf Flesh
High Elf Silver Metal: Chainmail
Dark Elf Silver Metal: Boltgun Metal
High Elf Gold Metal: Tin Bitz
Dark Elf Gold Metal: Tin Bitz
White Cloth: 1:1 Astronomacian Grey/Skull White
Yellow Cloth: Iyanden Darksun
Blue Cloth: 1:1 Enchanted Blue/Ice Blue
Dark Elf Leather: Chaos Black
High Elf Leather: Scorched Brown
Malhandir Flesh: Fortress Grey
Malhandir Nose: Dwarf Flesh
Malhandir Hair: Codex Grey
Malhandir Hoofs: Chaos Black
Tyrion Hair: Dheneb Stone
Dark Elf Hair: Chaos Black
Black Cloth: Chaos Black
Purple Cloth: Liche Purple
Rocks: Charadon Granite
Lion Statue: Calthan Brown
Base: Khemri Brown

Stage 2 – Tyrion



High/Dark Elf Flesh: Layer 1:1 Elf Flesh/Dwarf Flesh, then layer Elf Flesh
High Elf Silver Metal: Wash Badab Black
Dark Elf Silver Metal: Wash Badab Black
High Elf Gold Metal: Cover Shining Gold
Dark Elf Gold Metal: Cover Burnished Gold
White Cloth: Layer 1:1 (1:1 Astronomican Grey/Skull White)/(1:2 Astronomican Grey/Skull White), then layer 1:2 Astronomican Grey/Skull White
Yellow Cloth: 1:1 Iyanden Darksun/Golden Yellow, then layer Golden Yellow
Blue Cloth: Layer (1:1 Enchanted Blue/Ice Blue)/Ice Blue, then layer Ice Blue
Dark Elf Leather: Highlight Scorched Brown
High Elf Leather: Wash Badab Black
Malhandir Flesh: Layer (1:1 Fortress Grey/Skull White)/Fortress Grey, then layer 1:1 Fortress Grey/Skull White
Malhandir Nose: Layer join 1:1 Dwarf Flesh/Fortress Grey. Layer rest Elf Flesh
Malhandir Hair: Drybrush 1:1 Codex Grey/Fortress Grey, then Drybrush Fortress Grey
Malhandir Hoofs: Highlight Codex Grey
Tyrion Hair: Wash Badab Black
Dark Elf Hair: Drybrush Codex Grey
Black Cloth: Layer 1:1 Chaos Black/Codex Grey, then layer Codex Grey
Purple Cloth: Layer 1:1 Liche Purple/Warlock Purple then layer Warlock Purple
Rocks: Drybrush Adeptus Battlegrey
Lion Statue: Wash Badab Black
Base: NO CHANGE

Stage 3 – Tyrion



High/Dark Elf Flesh: Wash watered down Ogyrn Flesh
High Elf Silver Metal: Highlight 1:1 Chainmail/Mithril Silver
Dark Elf Silver Metal: Highlight 1:1 Boltgun Metal/Chainmail
High Elf Gold Metal: Wash Gyrphonne Sepia
Dark Elf Gold Metal: Wash Gryphonne Sepia
White Cloth: Layer 1:1 (1:2 Astronomican Grey/Skull White)/Skull White, then later watered down Skull White
Yellow Cloth: Layer 1:1 Golden Yellow/Sunburst Yellow, then later Sunburst Yellow
Blue Cloth: Layer 1:1 Ice Blue/(1:1 Ice Blue/Skull White)
Dark Elf Leather: Highlight Beastial Brown
High Elf Leather: Highlight Scorched Brown
Malhandir Flesh: Layer watered down Skull White
Malhandir Nose: Wash watered down Ogyrn Flesh
Malhandir Hair: Drybrush Skull White
Malhandir Hoofs: Highlight Fortress Grey
Tyrion Hair: Highlight Bleached Bone
Dark Elf Hair: Drybrush Fortress Grey
Black Cloth: Highlight 1:1 Codex Grey/Fortress Grey
Purple Cloth: Wash Leviathan Purple
Rocks: Drybrush Codex Grey
Lion Statue: Overbrush Khemri Brown
Base: NO CHANGE

And the Dragon Mage and Archmage from my Dragon kit (apologies for the poor photos!):

Stage 1 – Dragon Mage/Archmage



Skin: Dwarf Flesh
White Cloth: 1:1 Astronomican Grey/Skull White
Yellow Cloth: Iyanden Darksun
Blue Cloth: 1:1 Enchanted Blue/Ice Blue
Silver Metal: Chainmail
Gold Metal: Tin Bitz
Leather: Scorched Brown
Archmage Hair: Dheneb Stone
Dragon Mage Hair: Vomit Brown
Book Cover: Scab Red
Book Pages/Scroll: Dheneb Stone

Stage 2 – Dragon Mage/Archmage



Skin: Layer 1:1 Dwarf Flesh/Elf Flesh, then layer Elf Flesh
White Cloth: Layer 1:1(1:1 Astronomican Grey/Skull White)/(1:2 Astronomican Grey/Skull White)
Yellow Cloth: Layer 1:1 Iyanden Darksun/Golden Yellow, then layer Golden Yellow
Blue Cloth: Layer 1:1(1:1 Enchanted Blue/Ice Blue)/Ice Blue
Silver Metal: Wash Badab Black
Gold Metal: Cover Shining Gold
Leather: Wash Badab Black
Archmage Hair: Wash Badab Black
Dragon Mage Hair: Wash Ogyrn Flesh
Book Cover: Layer Red Gore
Book Pages/Scroll: Layer 1:1 Dheneb Stone/Bleached Bone

Stage 3 – Dragon Mage/Archmage



Skin: Wash watered down Ogryn Flesh
White Cloth: Layer 1:1 (1:2 Astronomican Grey/Skull White)/Skull White, then later watered down Skull White
Yellow Cloth: Layer 1:1 Golden Yellow/Sunburst Yellow, then layer Sunburst Yellow
Blue Cloth: Layer 1:1 Ice Blue/(1:1 Ice Blue/Skull White)
Silver Metal: Highlight 1:1 Chainmail/Mithril Silver
Gold Metal: Wash Gyrphonne Sepia
Leather: Highlight Scorched Brown
Archmage Hair: Highlight Bleached Bone
Dragon Mage Hair: Highlight Vomit Brown
Book Cover: Highlight 1:1 Blood Red/Red Gore
Book Pages/Scroll: Layer Bleached Bone

The astute amongst you will have noticed that I haven't show you the final Stage 4 for any of those models. Well that is because I am a teasing b**ch! And because next week I'm going to talk about finish details for your models, so hopefully then you'll see finished Tyrion and co. That is of course unless I get distracted by a Celestial Hurricanium in the meantime.