Procrastination by Numbers

[fatolaf]

Still easily the best thing I have seen in my entire life!

I vaguely remember it, this event winning was down more to our OG drinking antics rather than the actual tournament (which was a bit rouigh around the edges shall we say).
But was a top wknd, me and Jack drank far too many of those horrible cheap cocktails though 

[cunningmatt]

I feel with all this chat about best Tournament winner in our ramblings we should mention Warhammer winning Best Game - there done it, let's move on.

[cunningmatt]

Update 37 – Wednesday 18th January 2012: The 2011 Procrastination by Numbers Awards... Part 3



It's the part of the blog you've all been waiting for. No not the end. It's the return of The 2011 Procrastination by Numbers Awards. Yesterday you'll remember we announced Best Tournament to much fanfare and discussion and Best Games System to much, well general mehness.

So let's plough on regardless with all the concerns for safety of an Italian cruise ship captain, as we announce our next award:

Category 5: Best Forum Contributor of 2011



This award recognises those of you who contribute and make this forum the amazing place it is, well those who contribute to the forum anyway. This category is open to anyone on the forum so there's more likely to be awkwardness than at a Katy Perry-Russell Brand Anniversary planning meeting.

Let's take a look at the nominations...

Meals

A leftover from the filming of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, this New Zealander has landed on British shores and can be seen regularly causing trouble on London Transport with his trademark Bretonnian knight bus. Despite being caused Meals he is yet to provide a single packed lunch or home cooked dinner to anyone in the club which is a clear violation of the trade description act. He spent 2011 painting with more shades of blue than a pregnancy testing kit left out in Essex, and leading Team Good's alliance to a crushing defeat in the recent Warhammer Winter campaign.



Maelzch

Maelzch is an impish warlord known for his armies where no one can work out what is actually what. He is a cover boy for What Beard magazine and his main weakness is that he is unaware that Games Workshop models can actually be put together as shown on the box.  He spent 2011 painting a bumble bee themed Tyranid army and leading Team Evil to victory in the Warhammer Winter campaign despite winning a surprisingly small number of games.



Cunningmatt

A government experiment in verbal diarrhoea gone wrong, Cunningmatt pours out pages and pages of relentless gaming and painting waffle on a weekly basis. Without any form of social life to speak of he has hours and hours of spare time to generate content about nothing. An additional side effect of the state experimentation performed on him is that Cunningmatt is simply unable to win a game of Warhammer for love nor money, he just cannot do it. Every tactic, unit and magic item he tries will undoubtedly fail simply because it is him. His former handlers would like to warn the general public not to approach him whilst mentioning happy relationships or love as you're likely to feel his deep loathing and wrath.



Fatolaf

Fatolaf is the daddy of the forum, the master, the controller. Nothing escapes his beady eye as he watches all the forum boards simultaneously constantly moderating, updating and controlling. For example I will now try to write a rude word: __________ - See he has removed it already, truly a master of espionage. Any who defy his will awake to find the decapitated head of a member of Games Workshop's rules department in their bed, or worse are thrown into a pit full of 4th edition plastic Goblin Spearmen from which the only certainty is eternal pain.



Veldemere

Veldemere is the ghost of Warhammer past, on one day every year he drifts into existence on the forum long enough to warn of the dangers of playing Warhammer and moan about it. Then disappears back into the ether to haunt the Southbank for the next 364 days, it is strongly suspected that he was nominated in an ironic capacity.



Steve H

Steve H is the troubled soul of the OG Forum, he listened to the whisperings of the Veldemere ghost and was lured away from the true path of Warhammer. However successful counselling by the other members of the community on his blog, and the buying and subsequent eBay selling of 254 armies has allowed him to complete his treatment and now he can be seen fielding a mighty Ogre Kingdoms army – until he sells it anyway.



And it's time to opener another envelope to discover the winner...

[spoiler]

Cunningmatt



Well this is all rather awkward isn't it? People will think it's fixed or self-congratulatory, well if it was I'd have got a lot more than 68% of the vote! And of course I should say it's just an honour to be nominated alongside all you other worthy winners, blah, blah, blah, whatever... I won!!

I am course joking, no seriously I am please don't hate me!

On a serious note it certainly wasn't my intention or expectation to win, so I should say thank you very much. I am glad you seem to enjoy reading my blogs (or you at least pretend to), I hope my awful jokes make you laugh now and again. And a massive thanks to those who take time to reply and contribute, you somehow validate my life's work.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm welling up a little here, and I don't want to get tears all over my tuxedo.

And to think I didn't even have to offer out any Angel Delight as bribery!

[/spoiler]

Well I think we should quickly move on before there's a revolt against the blatant fixing. Here's our 6th award.

Category 6: Best Forum Painting Blog of 2011



This category is for the best painting blog on the OG Forum, now before you start, I'm not eligible to win this category, so I won't claim a white wash today. Though thanks to those who did vote for me, it was very sweet of you, but your votes were discounted. Let's move on from this self-congratulatory bulls**t and see the nominations...

Blotthrower's Halfling Extravaganza

What happens when you let someone who can't spell bolt thrower loose with a selection of Lindt bunnies left over from Easter? Well it's this Blotthrower's Halfling Extravaganza. There's not a single scouring pad left untouched in his house as every one has been turned into trees for this highly thematic army where Halflings represent Orcs & Goblins, bunnies represent Squigs, cows represent spiders and madness represents sanity.



Dave's OG Purchases

Dave's OG Purchases is a selection of different armies from Ogres, to Skaven, to Bretonnians, to BloodBowl to more. All painted in less than 12 seconds flat at a speed so disturbing that we are all green with jealously, well we would be if we'd got round to painting ourselves green in 12 seconds. If only he worked for Network Rail engineering work would be completed in minutes. However he has become so fast at painting that no one on the forum has actually ever seen him, he is a motion blur at best, and none knows what he looks like.



It's All Shades of... Blue?

Less "internet rudeness" (I wanted to use a word here beginning with p and rhyming with cornography but sadly it was filtered out) than expected from the title, which is slightly disappointing. But a surprising number of nominations given that it only appears to feature two painted models! As expected these models primarily use the colour blue, in multiple shades. Sequels are planned including It's All Shades of... Red?, It's All Shades of... Green? and a spin-off home ware business It's All Shades of... Lamps? Oh come on, that was funny!!!



Maelzch's Mad Medley

If you were to combine a painting blog with the £5 Ready, Steady, Cook shopping basket you wouldn't get this. A bizarre combination of Orcs, Chaos, Tyranids and Empire with two consistent themes one the models aren't Chaos Dwarfs and two the models aren't recognisable as to what kit they're from! A common theme of the blog is moaning how difficult yellow it is to paint, and then painting everything yellow.



The 9th Legion – Adventures in Paint...

The 9th Legion – Adventures in Paint..., is the ninth and most successful of the Adventures in Paint blogs, primarily as the first eight involved extreme potato printing. The blog mainly centres around a Blood Angels army redder than the average Brit in Spain. The most notable thing about the blog is the fact that all the pictures are photographed in heaven with the plain white holy glow around the Blood Angels the clear mark of the afterlife.



Getting Over the Rage Quit... An odd WFB Blog

Unique in it's nomination because it's NOT a painting blog. Bloody joker voters. The Getting Over the Rage Quit blog features the journey of Steve H to work out why he likes Warhammer when he doesn't, and what army he should collect next. If you're looking for painting on this blog, then like talent on Britain's Got Talent, you may not find any.



And the winner is...

[spoiler]

The 9th Legion – Adventures in Paint...



It would be wrong of me to make an acceptance speech for Seb, but I'm sure if he did make an acceptance speech he would like to thank me for being such a great painting inspiration. Perhaps if we're lucky Seb will have a few words to comment for us on this very blog.

Category Notes: Well done to everyone who got nominated in this category, as a large number of votes were collected in the club, you should be pleased your painting blog stayed in the minds of its readers when forced to vote at glare point (like gun point only less bitchy). The 9th Legion – Adventures in Paint... did achieve a commanding lead in this category, second went to Maelzch's Mad Medley, and weirdly last place didn't go to Getting Over the Rage Quit... An odd WFB Blog.


[/spoiler]

That's it for today, but don't worry much like Chlamydia we'll be back tomorrow, with or without the cream. If you weren't lucky enough to win an award today, don't worry we'll be deciding the Best Painted Model of 2011 – anyone of you could win this (so long as I've already e-mailed you to let you know you're up for nomination if not I wouldn't hold your breath). Plus we've got Best Post from the Procrastinator of 2011 (that's me), yes people were actually able to choose a post of mine they liked. So don't be rude.

See you tomorrow.

[Dave]

Bah, I thought that one was my best chance, seems I'm destined to always be the bridesmaid...  What do you people want from a painting blog, I did 4 different armies damn you all, it's the jealousy thing isn't it... 

[Meals]

Nah, its because you're Scottish... I'm sorry, Dave   

[maelzch]

Woo! Two nominations! Who'd have thought that my dark booze-fuelled whimsy and refusal to use normal models would be successful?

[jackhoneysett]

Bah, I thought that one was my best chance, seems I'm destined to always be the bridesmaid...  What do you people want from a painting blog, I did 4 different armies damn you all, it's the jealousy thing isn't it... 

At least you got to wear a dress Dave, I didn't even get let into the church by the bouncers.

But then my plog did only run for about 2 weeks, since I got bogged down by the 'mammoth' task of painting a Mumak...

Anyhoo, well done to those lucky winners. Playing 3 games alongside Seb's beautiful army at the doubles was a pleasure, I was just terrified I would cause some kind of clumsy catastrophe! and Matt has put in an insane amount of effort entertaining us on a near-daily basis. So both well-deserved I think!

[Blotthrower]

woo hoo, a nomination for painting rabbits and my terrible spelling, today is going to be a good day!

I have to add my thanks to Matt for this awesome blog. A very deserving winner.

[Dave]

Nah, its because you're Scottish... I'm sorry, Dave   

Pff bloody sheep shagger. 

To be fair the painting blogs are my second favourite part of this forum (right behind reading matts epic rants) and all the ones on the lists have captured my attention in the past.  Given steve H's appearance I'm going to move to posting less pictures and more rambling chat and see if that improves my placing next year 

[Meals]

Given steve H's appearance I'm going to move to posting less pictures and more rambling chat and see if that improves my placing next year 

Its true, aimless ranting appears to be key to upping your forum cred. However, first you'd have to leave your significant other, fall into a deep pit of despair, and start hacking up Teddy bears on Valentine's day, just to give yourself something to rant about. Do you really want to do this just to gain Internet fame?

On a another note, I think I could do a "It's All Shades of... Red?" sequel for my High Elves. But that will be in about the year 2051, when I finally finish the first one...