Procrastination by Numbers

[Crompton]

I'm disappointed Matt. Surely this was a prime chance for you to make Angel Delight trophies?

[fatolaf]

Well done to Jimbo and Matt

Cant believe the Valentine day's massacre did not win though...

[cunningmatt]

I'm disappointed Matt. Surely this was a prime chance for you to make Angel Delight trophies?

You have overstimated the amount of free time I have in life, not by much, but you have.

Cant believe the Valentine day's massacre did not win though...

I know, another shock in a week of shocks, which goes to show just how important every vote is!!

[cunningmatt]

Update 39 – Friday 20th January 2012: The 2011 Procrastination by Numbers Awards... Part 5



So this it, the final day of The Procrastination by Numbers Awards, all week we've had thrills, we've had spills, we've had tears and we've had joy, well I have. I get swept away. If I gush any more I'll produce more fluid than a pubescent teenage boy, so we best get on. Here's the final categories:

Category 9: Best Painted Model from the Procrastinator of 2011



Another award that only I can win, surely not? Who came up with these categories anyway? This category celebrates the best (admittedly the standard is low) single model or unit I've painted up on this blog. The main advantage of this topic over yesterday's category, with everyone else's painting efforts in, is I actually know what all these models are. Here at the nominations:

Caradryan

Captain of the Phoenix Guard, and someone who actually knows how to spell "Phoenix", sadly he can't tell us where that rogue "E" goes as he's mute. Caradryan is the character able to call down the wrath of the gods when he is killed in battle, which sadly so far in Matt's battles has resulted in the deaths of approximately no one. Details to watch out for include the soft flowing Elven hair and the hand painted flame pattern on the cloak which helpfully you can't see in the picture I've chosen – oops!



Dragon Princes

The Dragon Princes, also known as the Doom Diver magnet, were the final unit to be painted in The Tale of OG Gamers – High Elves project. Currently the unit of five is being expanded ten, though that has got an estimated completion date just after the opening of HS2. A good candidate for 2010's best model released by Games Workshop were we to have done these awards last year. Details to watch out for include the hand painted banner and the variety of red gems normally reserved for characters.



Jabberslythe

Unique amongst the nominations as this model was actually painstakingly converted by Matt just in time for Games Workshop to release their own model and save him the bother of doing it. The model has an artificial stomach constructed from green stuff which the NHS are refusing to pay for the removal of despite safety concerns. Details to look out for are water effects on the base, multiple purple tongues and the only model in my Beastmen army not painted brown.



Malagor, the Dark Omen

The second Beastmen model to make the nominations list, nice for Malagor to get a mention as he'll probably never get used by any sane person in a battle ever. Soaring above the Beastmen army Malagor will invariably get shot to pieces and die horribly before doing anything useful. Details to look out for on this model are lava basing stolen blatantly from Lee's Chaos Dwarf theme and Bretonnian artefacts on Malagor's staff.



Prince Althran, on Griffon

The general of the Tale of OG Gamers – High Elves this model has been shot more often than the cast of Friends. Painted over a sunny Easter the Griffon rider kit is from the Island of Blood box set and was a sad casualty of the London Riots though it has since made a full recovery. Details to look out for include the yellow cloak and the base detailing including rubble and Elven statue that the Griffon will probably crash into unless it makes some sudden manoeuvres very soon.



Prince Althran, on foot

If you're allergic to feathers, then this is the version of Prince Althran you're after. Though no one can explain why he's swapped his yellow cloak for a blue one, lost his helmet, gained a shield and appears to have dropped a potion on the floor. Always annoying when you've just bought a new bottle of sugar-free potion lite from the newsagents. Details to look out for include the blue shield, detailed chest plate and Elven bits on the base.



Shakeaway Banner

A highly prized Elven antique, the Shakeaway Banner is oft fought over by the enemies of the Elves and they never claim it except in every battle they ever played. For no logical reason at all Matt decided to paint a milkshake cup on the banner of his Elven Archers. Obviously he could have painted something sensible like a Unicorn, Eagle or Elven rune, but that is not the way of the mentally unstable. Details to look out for on this model include the banner mainly, you dummy!



Steve's Mum

Steve (aka shadownova24) was lucky enough to get his mum nominated. No I don't understand either, but what can you do? I'm pretty sure I don't remember painting Steve's Mum this year, but who knows I may have had a rohypnol fuelled evening whilst armed with a paint brush and several pots of Tentacle Pink. Thankfully for reasons of taste and decency no pictures exist of this event, and legally I'm not allowed to ask the resident five-year old artist to draw such things.

Tzeentch Sorcerer Lord

The only model I've painted that you can use as a Frisbee, though only if you want a clip round the ear as I smack you for breaking my model. The only candidate in this list for the Warriors of Chaos army unless of course Steve's Mum has an allegiance we're not aware of. Details on this model to look out for include the glowing crystals of the Tzeentch garden and the fiery trail emanating from disc and rider.



And with all the nominations making sense, bar one, it's time to open that golden envelope...

[spoiler]

Jabberslythe



Congratulations to me. What a pathetic person I am by being excited about this?! I have to say I didn't expect the Jabberslythe to win, whilst I'm very happy with how it turned out it's not my favourite model and I expected the Elves to claim victory. In fact there's a good chance that this is my first ever win with Beastmen! Wow! I do feel bad the Jabberslythe has only appeared in two battles so far, so perhaps it's time the Beastmen returned to crush everyone at OG Games (or be crushed more likely).

Category Notes: The Jabberslythe just won this category beating the Dragon Princes into second place and the Tzeentch Sorcerer Lord and Prince Althran on Griffon into joint third.

[/spoiler]

And before I turn into a complete self-congratulating anus, it's time to move on to our final, and some may say most important, category. Yes it is the one you've all been waiting for...

Category 10: Worst Games Workshop Model Released 2011



Yep, I decide to ruin my chances of ever getting a job with Games Workshop, by asking you which model you wish the almighty model forgers had never bothered crafting. Well you had you're say and now it's time for the gallery of awfulness, here's the nominees...

Chimera

Three heads are better than one, though apparently one model is not better than none in the case of the Chimera. This plastic beasty popped up alongside the Storm of Magic release and can be used both in Storm of Magic games, as a model for the Transformation of Kadon spell and according to popular opinion to make your opponent vomit vigorously.



Finecast Range

The entire Finecast Range managed to get a nomination here, beset by technical problems on release the range hasn't had the happiest of years. As Games Workshop made a robust attempt to remove metal from their ranges. Shouts of "oh, isn't this light" were soon replaced with calls of "how much?" and "this doesn't seem to be moulded properly".



Ghorgon / Cygor

The final month of 2011 saw the country's two Beastmen players finally able to complete their Beasty hordes with a range of monsters to fill up that illusive rare slot. This kit makes up the Cygor and Ghorgon model and I received it from my painting colleague Mr Shakey Shakey for Christmas so I am tempted it to disqualify it just for that reason.



Hell Pit Abomination

Another massive plastic kit to make the nominations, this Skaven model has been giving opponents of the ratty kind headaches. Apparently not because of its prowess in combat, but because of its hideous model. Released back in January this model is the oldest making this category.



Jabberslythe

The other Beastmen Beasty of this year, this model however came out in Finecast. In fairness the model is supposed to represent a monster so revolting that all who look upon it wish to rip their eyes out in madness, so surely if this model has made a category of hideous models of the year it's done its job? Have I just opened up a paradox here?



Mangler Squigs

Who on earth decided a full scale replica of two David Dickenson heads stacked on top of each other would make a good model? This Night Goblin beastie makes up a trio of December releases in this category. What a monthus horriblus for Games Workshop. Available in Finecast and consisting of multiple Squigs and Night Goblins bouncing towards your enemy ala out of control space hopper this model could be bounding into your units soon!



Mournfang Cavalry

Fat people on giant cat like monsters don't look beautiful, who knew? This model popped out of the Games Workshop forges in September. The largest cavalry to make the tabletop, and already comped to save your army being stomped, will this model also need to be comped to avoid you throwing up all over the battlefield?



Plastic Oldblood

This Lizardmen character is the only one of the brand new plastic multipart character kits to make this list, and unfortunately I bought it for Mr Shakey Shakey for Christmas before it became a nomination, so to avoid me looking like a horrible git, I am going to say this model looks lovely and there's nothing wrong with it.



Prince Apophas

In fairness if you were made of scarabs and a skull, you wouldn't look that attractive would you? The only special character and the only Tomb Kings release in this category implies they had a good year.



Seekers of Slaanesh

Technically these were released back in 2010, but they got through on an unforeseen technicality that they were re-released in a battalion set this year back in August (and the fact I had very few votes in at the time when this came through). The nominee of this model said that according to their background they should look sleak but they look anything but.



Steve's Mum

A second appearance for the mother of Steve (shadownova24), in fairness I didn't know she modelled for Games Workshop let alone they'd released her back into the wild. I've never seen Steve's Mum but I was tempted to group her votes with the Jabberslythe. But then having seen Steve's nose and thinking back to childbirth that women has probably suffered enough so it seems unfair to further upset her.

Tzeentch Herald on Disc

Back in August Games Workshop got their pink thing out and some of you were disgusted. Stop that thought now, dirty, dirty person. Of course I am referring to the Tzeentch Herald on Disc of Tzeentch, blue-ray compatible this disc and rider hit the Finecast shelves to shrieks of despair from some of you.



And the final winner, or in this case loser, is...

[spoiler]

Mangler Squigs



And if you've just heard a noise in the background, that was a Games Workshop sculptor being taken out and shot. I hope you are happy?

Category Notes: Possibly this says more about my taste than anything else, but I quite liked this model. I think in fairness having read the Warhammer Armies: Orcs & Goblins entry for this a lot of people were expecting something a bit smaller on the Fanatic scale, which may be why the £39 price tag upset a few on seeing this. As with Best Games Workshop model this category had loads of nominations (if yours isn't listed it almost certainly was disqualified for being released in 2010), the only other model to score a meaningful number of votes was the Chimera.


[/spoiler]

And that ladies and gentlemen is it from The 2011 Procrastination by Numbers Awards, well almost; as I went round collecting the votes I was informed of a few other categories people would like to have seen, so just for fun:

Category 11: Most Ironic Post on the Forum of 2011

Winner of this award was also the person who suggested it. Ritchie wins for his post announcing "I have returned to the forum" before entering another three month radio silence.

Category 12: Most Annoying Model to Assemble of 2011

An excellent category suggestion here from Ol, he nominated any piece of Games Workshop scenery made this year. However I decided in a completely undemocratic move to overrule him and instead award this to the Razagor model. Yes I know it was released in 2010, but it was that bad! It even made me rage quit metal models. And I am pretty certain Gareth would agree me with here.

Category 13: Worst Warhammer Player of 2011 and all previous years

The winner of this turned out to be me. Which is rather rude if you ask me! I think four awards is one too many to win anyway, I've now become vulgar. And for those who did vote for me I'd like to point out I have won a game this year, I expect that will be it for 2012 but still!


And that really, really, really is it from The 2011 Procrastination by Numbers Awards I hope you've had more fun reading this than I have writing it, because quite frankly it's been a long slog!!

Thank you so much to absolutely everyone who voted, I really couldn't have done it without you. No really I couldn't, it would have just been 10 categories with no nominees! And of course well done to all our nominees and winners. If I'm still writing this drivel in 2013 we may do it all over again, is that a collective sigh I hear from the Wandsworth area?

Next week Procrastination by Numbers returns to normal after a marathon spate of updates with Advent Calendars, Reviews of the Year and Awards Ceremonies. So I'm afraid it may only a weekly update, but there's loads of exciting stuff to come including narrative campaigns, photography and maybe some actual painting wow!!

Until then...

[maelzch]

Category 13: Worst Warhammer Player of 2011 and all previous years

Matt, I think you were pipped at the post by Steven to this one! :)

[cunningmatt]

Matt, I think you were pipped at the post by Steven to this one! :)

I am more than happy to hand this award over! Or we could have a special Warhammer s**t-off game to see who takes the crown!

[fatolaf]

Matt, I think you were pipped at the post by Steven to this one! :)

Or by his mum 

Great Awards Matt, loved them, keep up the excellent work in 2012.................



(or else we will have you killed )

[cunningmatt]

Or by his mum 

It would be embarrassing if I lost that match up.

Great Awards Matt, loved them, keep up the excellent work in 2012.................



(or else we will have you killed )

Thanks... I think? 

[cunningmatt]

On a completely unrelated note, anyone think this comment on the Games Workshop website (posted today) about Dreadfleet might feel a teeny tad inappropriate:

I've also discovered that I should never be allowed to sail an actual ship, as I regularly get port and starboard round the wrong way and I have yet to play a game without one of my warships Slowly Capsizing. Let's just say I would get my feet very wet on a regular basis.

Whoops!!

[Dave]

barely topical at all, was he italian?