Procrastination by Numbers

[cunningmatt]

Sad but true 

In fairness I am often the same!

[cunningmatt]

Saturday 17th December 2011 – Procrastination by Numbers Forgotten Special Characters Advent Calendar



Before we get stuck into Day 17, just a quick reminder to say we are looking for snaps of your models from the Forgotten Special Characters Advent Calendar, there's not long until Christmas and it would be great to feature some so make sure you send them to me asap.

And in about two hours time I will be at Wandsworth Waaagh XII (that's 12 Steven), fighting for Shakeaway amongst other things in the doubles tournament. If you'd like to keep up with how I am doing LIVE (well as much as internet delays allow for) follow on Twitter at @ProByNumbers.

Now back to your regular transmission...

[spoiler]
Saturday 17th: Borugt Facebeater



Name: Borgut Facebeater

Original Points Cost: 175 points, including 'Ardlad's Axe o'Doom and Drog's Dead 'Ard Armour.

Background:Borgut Facebeater was discovered by Grimgor Ironhide smashing Skaven to pieces at Karak Ungor. Impressed Grimgor took him to the judges' houses and after dropping Grom accepted him as his final act for the live show. Since then Borgut Facebeater has been the right hand Orc to Grimgor Ironhide.

Original Appearance: Storm of Chaos.



Last Appearance: Storm of Chaos – like everything Storm of Chaos related it's all been conveniently brushed aside as if it never happened.

Special Rules: Borgut must be the general, unless Grimgor Ironhide is in the army, if so Borgut must deploy within 12" of Grimgor. If Borgut fights a challenge he can head butt his opponent, or their monstrous mount, this occurs before all other attacks and counts at Strength 7 if it hits. If it wounds opponent strikes last at Weapon Skill 1. If Borgut is deployed in an Orc unit that unit is upgraded to Big 'Uns for free, however Borgut must stay with the unit. Borgut is equipped with the following magic items: 'Ardlad's Axe o' Doom gives +1 Strength and makes Borgut subject to the spell Gork'll Fix It (which at the time allowed the subject to re-roll it's armour save, or gain a 6+ Ward save if it has no armour save). 'Ardlad's Axe o' Doom can be used with a Choppa as an additional hand weapon. Drog's Dead 'Ard Armour gives Borgut a 1+ armour save.



My Memories of the Character: None. Games Workshop have wiped all trace of Storm of Chaos from my mind in their periodic mind reprogramming session.

Person most Reminds Me Of: Vinnie Jones – you're shocked I know who he is, aren't you?

Inclusion in 8th Edition: The model is still available from the Games Workshop website, and looks pretty cool, if you ask me.



Most of the special rules for Borgut Facebeater transform pretty well to the 8th Edition, however you might want to change the fact that 'Ardlad's Axe o' Doom bestows the spell Gork'll Fix It on Borgut Facebeater as that's now a hex spell.

[/spoiler]

Quickly head over to OG Games 2011 Advent Calendar where there's another Special Character. It's here: http://ogforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=2697.msg37942;topicseen#msg37942

[cunningmatt]

Sunday 18th December 2011 – Procrastination by Numbers Forgotten Special Characters Advent Calendar



I've just about recovered from Wandsworth Waaagh XII and all the excitement, in order to bring you today's Advent Calendar fun...

[spoiler]
Sunday 18th: Kouran

Name: Kouran, Captain of the Black Guard



Yes, Kouran is in the current Dark Elves book, but in order to include a wide range of the armies I've had to include some characters who are forgotten because they have no model, even though they have rules!



Original Points Cost: 4th Edition - 150 points, including the magic items Blade of Ensorcelled Iron and Armour of Meteoric Iron. 7th Edition – 75 points, including the magic items Crimson Death and The Armour of Grief.

Background: Kouran has served in the Black Guard for over a thousand years, becoming Master of the Tower of Grief after choking the life out of the previous incumbent Diathener – he then boiled the flesh from his rival's skull, making a nice table decoration. He became Captain of the Black Guard after hurling the previous Captain (Khanaleth) off the east wall of Naggarond. His current boss is very scared. Kouran cares nothing for the life of his fellow Dark Elves, much like working for the Co-Op, sacrificing over half his army once to lay a trap for the enemy.

Original Appearance: Warhammer Armies: Dark Elves – 4th Edition



Last Appearance: N/A – Currently appearing in Warhammer Armies: Dark Elves – 7th Edition, after being jettisoned from the 6th edition book!





Special Rules:  4th Edition – Kouran can only be included if your army includes the Black Guard of Naggaroth, he carries an extra hand weapon (giving him +1 Attack) and carries Blade of Ensorcelled Iron +1 to hit and the Armour of Meteoric Iron 2+ armour save.



7th Edition – Kouran is an upgrade to a Black Guard unit, any unit including him becomes Unbreakable. Kouran carries the Crimson Death always strikes the enemy with an unmodified Strength 6, and wears The Armour of Grief any model wishing to attack Kouran must pass a Toughness test at the beginning of each round of combat, if they fail they may not attack.

My Memories of the Character: None, I just looked him up now.

Person most Reminds Me Of: Gordon Ramsay – it's the axe and working style.

Inclusion in 8th Edition: Don't be difficult, use the 7th edition rules not the 4th edition ones!!

As far as I am aware there never has been a model for Kouran, fortunately his change of armament in the 7th Edition rules means the standard champion from the Black Guard unit would probably work.



[/spoiler]

Get your festive butt over to OG Games 2011 Advent Calendar where there's another Special Character. It's here: http://ogforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=2697.msg37956;topicseen#msg37956

[cunningmatt]

Monday 19th December 2011 – Procrastination by Numbers Forgotten Special Characters Advent Calendar



It's the last working Monday of the year! Who's not happy about that?

[spoiler]
Monday 19th: Repanse de Lyonesse



Name: Repanse De Lyonesse

Original Points Cost: 310 points (including magic items The Fleur de Lys Banner and Sword of Lyonesse.)

Background: Repanse de Lyonesse was a maiden during Bretonnia's darkest hour as a vast Chaos horde had slain King Louis the Brave and was running amok in Bretonnia besieged Couronne. Repanse, inspired by a vision from the Lady of the Lake (probably drugs) raided the local grail chapel (mistaking it for a branch of JD Sports), she took a sword and a tapestry and rode towards the Chaos horde. Inspired to join Repanse and smash up Clapham Junction, many knights joined her slaying the Chaos Lord and driving the horde back to the sea thereby saving Couronne.

Original Appearance: Warhammer Armies: Bretonnia – 5th Edition, model released White Dwarf 210 (June 1997).





Last Appearance: Warhammer Armies: Bretonnia – 5th Edition

Special Rules: Repanse de Lyonesse is both the general and battle standard of the army. Her inspired halo from the Lady of Lake causes Fear. She carries the following magic items The Fleur de Lys Banner during each enemy magic phase the Bretonnian player randomly removes one magic card from the opponent's hand, if it is Total Power or a Power card the Bretonnia player gains +1 combat result to all combats in the following phase, if it is the Drain Magic card the magic phase ends immediately. The Sword of Lyonesse – the magic items of any enemy model in base contact with the bearer of the Sword of Lyonesse will not work, except for magic weapons.



My Memories of the Character: Remember this being released during my Bretonnian phase, when the 5th edition of Warhammer was released. Thought I had this model but a quick look in my many drawers revealed that I don't. It's still available on the Games Workshop website however, so maybe I will pick it up.

Person most Reminds Me Of: Claudia Winkelman, a woman who both inspires me and causes significant fear whenever I see her.

Inclusion in 8th Edition: You can still buy her now if you like:



All the rules for Repanse seem perfectly reasonable, and as Lizardmen players will tell you joint generals and battle standard bearers have a role to play. The Sword of Lyonese matches many similar items in other books, The Fleur de Lys Banner needs some rework clearly, how about removes a power dice from the enemy power and dispel pool each turn (it does cost 100 points after all), additionally roll a D6 on a 4+ the Bretonnian player gains +1 in all combat results in the subsequent phase? Works for me, probably filthy!

[/spoiler]

If you haven't got the idea by now, you've really not been trying - OG Games 2011 Advent Calendar has another Special Character on, if you want to check it out click here: http://ogforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=2697.msg37994;topicseen#msg37994

[cunningmatt]

Update 27 – Monday 19th December 2011: The First Great Trial of Christmas:  The Spirit of Christmas

If you're looking for today's Advent Calendar entry "It's behind you!" or to be less panto-ey and a bit more truthful... it's above you.

In your dim distant past, somewhere probably is the lingering meaning of the true message of Christmas taught to you through copious of use of tinsel and tea towel headdresses in a Nativity play. No matter how hard you try modern society has thoroughly beaten this well taught lesson out of you like an untimely visit from a group of Anti-Gadaffi rebels. Nowadays your vision of Christmas is most likely to be one of the Utopian visions of the festive season created through films, television, popular culture and advertisement.

Advertisements in particular are guilty for giving you a snap shot of the perfect Christmas without any context or setting. The most talked about one this year has to be the John Lewis advert which performs a surprising trick in which a seemingly impatient brat waiting for Christmas is suddenly turned into a darling sweetheart when it turns out he can't wait to give a loving gift to his parents. And thereby telling the true meaning of Christmas – that you're a horrid person if you don't buy your gifts from John Lewis. Obviously we've never seen any context, what if the gift turns out to be a novelty pooing reindeer? That's less magical, what if he's got the wrong size and not asked for a gift receipt? Our angelic Christmas has suddenly collapsed in on itself like a vortex sucking all the magic from our lives with the efficiency of a Dyson Airblade.

Elsewhere in advertising land, Iceland seem to suggest that the perfect Christmas should be spent accompanying Stacey Solomon as vast satellites of party food revolve around her like a giant clockwork planetarium, that provides approximately 5,000 nibbles for a pound, leading you to wonder what exactly is in them, and offers similar nutritional value to eating a lump of Plutonium. Littlewoods advertising has attracted record numbers of complaints, as apparently it carries the hidden subversive message that Father Christmas doesn't exist (clearly a lie children – don't worry), despite the fact that the advert doesn't actually say this. Yet no one has complained about the actual message it does convey which is that if mum is worth her salt she'll buy an horrendous range of overpriced designer tat in order to buy the love of her family and friends and then spend the rest of her life paying for it at an exorbitant rate of interest. A lesson their learnt from the Greek book of fiscal policy. Meanwhile Marks & Spencer, every middle class person's favourite shop, appears to have struck a Luciferian pact with the devil as an ever changing cast of X Factor misanthropes sings the stores' wondrous praise in a effort to convince you to buy a melt in the middle chocolate pudding because that is what Little Mix will be doing this year. And the least said about Bruce Forsyth accidentally wandering onto the set of the Morrisons advert probably the better, he thought it was the Strictly Come Dancing wrap party.

Generally none of these adverts really offend me, I'm used to the usual nausea-inducing assault on the senses that is festive commercials, in fairness it's not that different to the usual nausea-inducing assault on the senses that is commercials during the rest of the year. However I do reserve a certain hatred for one particular style of Christmas advertising. These are the adverts that tell you that unless you buy a specific product not only will you're Christmas be worse off it will actively be awful. Last year I recall a particularly awful example of such an advertising campaign run by a satellite television provider which said that unless you buy their latest channel package your Christmas will be a disaster ending in a massive row that even the family dog will be embroiled in. Said advert also implied that your Christmas would only occur in grey scale and even your decorations wouldn't light up, whereas with their latest package the whole family would be happy and your room would be illuminated in a radiant glow – presumably as the family in question have now freed up enough time from rowing that they can actually turn the light switch on. If only the residents of Albert Square could see this warning from history and the EastEnders Christmas Day special might be a whole lot different.

Pathetically soppy as it may sound whatever your religious persuasion is, Christmas should be out spending time with family, friends and loved ones (apparently loved ones can include friends and family – I'm not really an expert in this field) and celebrating how lucky you are to have them as part of your life. Nice as Christmas Trees, turkeys, bulging sacks of presents, the perfect party spread and a XBox 360 under the tree are, all of these should be sideshows to the true event spending time with those who love you – admittedly that sentiment would put the final nail in the High Street coffin and cause Mary Portas to spontaneously explode covering us all in lured orange hair, but it's important point. Though if you are planning to buy me an XBox 360 or any other gifts/cash amounts please don't be put off they will be gratefully accepted at the usual address. Thank you very much.

[Dave]

Or you could just note that spending several months being a right grumpy git is far worse than any possible gift could offset so the boy deserves a skelp round the back of the head  regardless (apprently frowned upon these days).

As a slight oddity I exchanged christmas presents with my family last night after I'd had them all (well all the local ones) round for some dinner.  The best thing was we didn't even open the presents.  Everyone could say thank you very much in the safe knowledge that they hadn't yet been disappointed by a novelty christmas jumper or pair of socks.   Plus it was a suitably booze fuled affair so I was sorted and it placated me for the many hours I'd spent slaving in the kitchen in advance of the 3 course meal I had to cook.

Anyway that's festivities over wtih my family for the year, I've now just got a small trip down to my girlfriends family for christmas where I'll have to endure being force fed food and booze until I burst and I'll also be attending a religious ritual in the form of a catholic christmas ceremony.  Something I generally wouldn't do but I'll entertain her family as her mum is quite religious and I'd be sat round their house on my own if I didn't go and I find that a rather scary prospect in case the place somehow blows up and I'm held responsible.

[Meals]

I'm pretty sure that kid has the dogs severed head inside that box... No child should ever be that happy about giving away a present.

Since I have no family this year, I shall be repeating last years exciting three day piss up with some friends in Richmond. There may be some food as well but thats not important.

[cunningmatt]

Or you could just note that spending several months being a right grumpy git is far worse than any possible gift...

For a minute there I thought you were talking about me.

I'm pretty sure that kid has the dogs severed head inside that box... No child should ever be that happy about giving away a present.

I have heard that rumour on the internet, when you say the child shouldn't be happy about giving away the dog's head, were you implying that any self respecting child should be keeping that?

[Dave]

Poo in bag, I'm just surprised it's not on fire.

[cunningmatt]

Poo in bag, I'm just surprised it's not on fire.

Is that what you think the child has in the box, or just a general comment on my blog?!