Procrastination by Numbers

[Tom Hale]

the wall isn't 3 colours basic

[Dave]

the wall isn't 3 colours basic

philistine, that's some high quality monochrome paint scheme and you throw out 3 colours basic... Honestly, some people.

[cunningmatt]

Wow! Who knew? You paint some models - a couple of comments. You paint a wall on the forum goes crazy (yes I consider 7 replies crazy).

You going to try some NMM on the wall?

The door handle shown there is actually plastic, I think it's turned out alright. Though probably would have been quicker if I hadn't done the whole wall using a Fine Detail Brush.

Maybe in the next update I'll talk about painting Dreadfleet. Or maybe I'll tackle the tricky issue of skirting boards. Any votes as to what it'll be?

[Tom Hale]

matt, you free for a campaign game either this or next thursday?

[fatolaf]

Maybe in the next update I'll talk about painting Dreadfleet.

Yes please, need some ideas before I start on my fleet...

[cunningmatt]

Sorry if you clicked back for a proper update with pictures and stuff (still gets the page impressions count up!) - I'm actually resorting to chit-chat and arranging social life now!

matt, you free for a campaign game either this or next thursday?

Can't do this week I'm afraid (due to other commitments - and not having finished my campaign army!), next Thursday should be fine! Can do Slot 2 or late Slot 1?

Yes please, need some ideas before I start on my fleet...

I may end up just copying the detailed painting guide from this month's White Dwarf, it's very good and detailed actually! And usefully tells you what bits not to glue before you paint them - always helpful!

[Tom Hale]

late slot 1 next week sounds good. see you then.

[cunningmatt]

late slot 1 next week sounds good. see you then.

Cool - I best get painting!!

[cunningmatt]

Update 19 – Tuesday 25th October 2011: Santa and his little Elves

Apologies for my lack of blogging last week, I had a nasty case of man-flu, or what unsympathetic woman call "sniffles", piss off you get grumpy once a month that's your thing, we get ill with the "sniffles" ok. It's all fair. Anyway here's what I would have talked about if I hadn't been in my bed dying – that's right dying!

What's In the Box? – The Results

Regular readers of this blog will know that it goes hand in hand with calamity, in much the same way that Liam Fox goes around hand in hand with Adam Werritty, except with much less subtlety. As such seventeen months ago I asked you to choose a box for our regular competition What's In the Box? – I then promised you a special guest draw master to pick which of you results would win.

Sadly after meeting said special guest, I forgot to ask them to do it, ahhh. So I guess I'll have to do it myself. Here are all "last" month's entrants (I am using the word "last" very loosely). Anyway here they are, and their boxes:

Dave – 1

Fatolaf – 2

Meals – 3

Maelzch – 13

Crompton – 16



As usual all the numbers were put in a Shakeaway Cup and a "winning" entry (really we're all losers) was drawn at random and this month's winner was...

Drum Roll please.

Box Number 13!



Yes after countless months playing this game Lee has finally won. Let's see What's In the Box?



Ahhh, it's empty, which is especially funny given I actually ran this draw genuinely.
Sorry mate.

Sadly it does make this blog look like even more of a fiasco. Let's move on.

Tale of Two OGs

So those of you with a slender grip on what's going on, on this forum will of course have noticed that a brand new campaign has kicked off. Yep it's The Tale of Two OG's set in the city of OG (a suspiciously convenient sounding name if you ask me) as the forces of good confront the forces of evil in order to claim the town and win fortune, warpstone and Shakeaway vouchers.

As the game-y player I am (no), I've decided to throw my lot in to the campaign, sadly Team Good drew the short straw and I'm representing them with my High Elves. Oh yes the Shakeaway Elves march to war in order to screw up and generally not help at all.

Veteran readers of my blogging exploits will remember that early in the year I ran a coalition-themed Beastmen army (yes you did read that right), with characters representing all the major political figures.  Sadly this plan backfired as my opponents decided to take out their frustration at the current socio-economic situation by wiping my army out on multiple occasions and inflicting scores of injuries on my characters. Poor old Cameron the Bray Shaman. Anyway in a bid to avoid the same fate this year I've themed my Elven army around something that everyone loves and is exceptionally topical so no one will want to kill any of my units or characters. See a genius idea, how can it possibly fail?! I've even added a set of special rules which I think add some character to the army without conferring any unfair advantages to me whatsoever so hopefully you'll all be up for me using them.

Without further ado, I'll unveil my Winter-themed High Elf army, meet Santa and his Elves:

Santa and his Elves

SANTA



Santa, is the illegitimate Father of Christmas and has been trying to gain custody of the City of OG for months now - though he hasn't had to resort to dressing up as Spiderman and hanging off Big Ben yet. He is a Level 4 mage with High "up a chimney" Magic – yes I've already lowered my level to such a tenuous joke, and I'm not telling you his magic items (nice try Team Evil). He will be spending the campaign delivering presents to Team Good's army (metaphorical presents before you get any ideas).

Special rules:  All enemy units in base-to-base contact lose one Attack as they give him a Mince Pie and Sherry.

FROSTY



Frosty the Mage is teased by the other High Elves for his carrot nose and coal eyes, fortunately the Mage is able to survive in the frosty Northern wastes of OG City due to the coldness. Over on the lava board he might melt. He can both sing really high notes with Aled Jones and in order not to become completely frozen in the cold arctic wastes is a Level 2 Fire Mage (look it's the best I could come up with ok, don't judge).

Special rules:  Immune to all cold-based attacks.

Fair Eee



Fair Eee the Battle Standard Bearer is from the old decorations box, hence his poorly painted (and photographed) nature. He spends a large part of his duties mounted on top of a Christmas tree which doesn't improve his temperament much. He is in charge of waving around the Christmas banner, decorations, tinsel and lights.

Special rules:  Frenzy, due to spending large part of the year with tree up his arse.

LOTHERN SEA SHOPPERS



24 Lothern Sea Guard, embitten by the tough prospect of Christmas shopping, they are able to skilfully wield their gift wrap rolls in unison to fight a path through other Christmas shoppers. They trudge on unforgiving and mercilessly looking for their final gift.

Special rules:  Hatred of all, Christmas shopping does that.

CAROL'S ARCHERS



20 High Elf Archers, led by Carol. The archers sing proudly and loudly as they string their bows. They then tie request for money for their collection to the arrows before launching volley after volley into the enemy.

Special rules:  Banshee style singing attack, that does 3D6 Wounds with no armour save on any target with 48".

RUDOLPH'S PRINCES



5 Dragon Princes with reindeer antlers mounted on their armour. The Drakemaster's steed has a red nose, which is oh so bright guiding them on the way. The red nose is caused by excessive sherry drinking, though he does get bullied by the other horses.

Special rules:  Reindeer Poo, the terrible smell of reindeer poo gives anyone attacking the Dragon Princes a -2 to hit.

SANTA'S SLEIGH

You may notice there's no photo here... as they used to say on Dead Ringers "More on that story later"

Santa's White Lion Chariot, after an unfortunate traffic warden related incident last year delivering presents. Santa decided to take no chances and replaced his reindeer with White Lions who can now tear their way through any traffic enforcement officers.

Special rules:  Flight – how else would he deliver all those presents?

ICING GUARD



The 15 Icing Guard form the toughest part of the High Elf army with their armour forged from the impenetrable Christmas Caking armour as first created by Aunty Margery in her diabolical labatory. The icing can shrug all but the most powerful of blows.

Special rules:  1+ Ward Save due to the Icing Armour

TURKEY CARVERS



The 17 Swordmasters carve their way through every Christmas turkey on Ulthuan serving up sections of leg and breast for all the family and doing the washing up later in the day.

Special rules:  The Turkey Carvers cause terror in all models with the flight special rule.

THE TURKEY



Turkey , the Great Eagle lives in constant fear of every Christmas, however has a lovely smell of sage and onion. He often flies ahead of the rest of the army in case the Turkey Carvers need any practice.

Special rules:  Heavily stuffed with Sage & Onion mixture gives Turkey, the Great Eagle +3 Toughness.

THE STOCKING FILLER



Stocking Filler the trusty Bolt Thrower is capable of stuffing 120 children's stockings every minute. Sadly for the children it does this from a distance of 250 metres with a solid steel bolt. Serves them right, should have been better behaved.
Special rules:  All enemy armies fear the Bolt Thrower lest it fills their stockings with coal.

The astute amongst you, as in those who bothered to read the above bit, will have noticed I'm missing a White Lion Chariot, well here goes:

Stage 1 – White Lions Chariot






Chariot

Wood: Khemri Brown
Silver Metal: Chainmail
Gold Metal: Tin Bitz
Yellow Detail: Iyanden Darksun
Blue Detail: 1:1 Enchanted Blue : Ice Blue

Crew

Boots, Gloves and Leather: Scorched Brown
Silver Metal: Chainmail
Gold Metal: Tin Bitz
Armour Trim and Yellow Cloth: Iyanden Darksun
White Cloth: 1:1 Skull White : Astronomacian Grey
Blue Cloth and Plume: 1:1 Enchanted Blue : Ice Blue
Wood: Khemri Brown
Lion Skin: Dheneb Stone
Hair: Dheneb Stone or Calthan Brown
Elf and Lion Flesh: Dwarf Flesh
Claws: Chaos Black

Lions

Rock: Chardonite Granite
Grass: Goblin Green
Leather: Scorched Brown
Silver Metal: Chainmail
Gold Metal: Tin Bitz
Armour Trim: Iyanden Darksun
Mouth: Liche Purple
Teeth: Khemri Brown
Lion Body and Fur: Dheneb Stone
Hair: Dheneb Stone or Calthan Brown
Elf and Lion Flesh: Dwarf Flesh
Claws: Chaos Black

Stage 2 – White Lions Chariot







Chariot

Wood: Layer 1:1 Khemri Brown : Graveyard Earth then layer Graveyard Earth
Silver Metal: Wash Badab Black
Gold Metal: Shining Gold
Yellow Detail: Layer 1:1 Iyanden Darksun : Golden Yellow then layer Golden Yellow
Blue Detail: Layer 1:1 (1:1 Enchanted Blue : Ice Blue) : Ice Blue then layer Ice Blue

Crew

Boots, Gloves and Leather: Wash Badab Black
Silver Metal: Wash Badab Black
Gold Metal: Shining Gold
Armour Trim and Yellow Cloth: Layer 1:1 Iyanden Darksun : Golden Yellow then layer Golden Yellow
White Cloth: Layer 1:1 (1:1 Skull White : Astronomacian Grey : 2:1 Skull White : Astronomacian Grey) then layer 2:1 Skull White : Astronomacian Grey
Blue Cloth and Plume: Layer 1:1 (1:1 Enchanted Blue : Ice Blue) : Ice Blue then layer Ice Blue
Wood: Layer 1:1 Khemri Brown : Graveyard Earth then layer Graveyard Earth
Lion Skin: Wash watered down Gryphonne Sepia
Hair: Wash Badab Black
Elf and Lion Flesh: Layer 1:1 Dwarf Flesh : Elf Flesh then layer Elf Flesh
Claws: Highlight 1:1 Chaos Black : Kommando Khaki

Lions

Rock: Drybrush Adeptus Battlegrey
Grass: Layer Camo Green
Leather: Wash Badab Black
Silver Metal: Wash Badab Black
Gold Metal: Shining Gold
Armour Trim: Layer 1:1 Iyanden Darksun : Golden Yellow then layer Golden Yellow
Mouth: Layer Dwarf Flesh
Teeth: Wash Badab Black, layer Khemri Brown
Lion Body and Fur: Dheneb Stone
Lion Flesh: Layer 1:1 Dwarf Flesh : Elf Flesh then layer Elf Flesh
Claws: Highlight 1:1 Chaos Black : Kommando Khaki

Stage 3 – White Lions Chariot







Chariot

Wood: Layer 1:1 Graveyard Earth : Bleached Bone then layer Bleached Bone
Silver Metal: Highlight 1:1 Chainmail : Mithril Silver
Gold Metal: Wash Gryphonne Sepia
Yellow Detail: Layer 1:1 Golden Yellow : Sunburst Yellow then layer Sunburst Yellow
Blue Detail: Layer 1:1 Ice Blue : (1:1 Skull White : Ice Blue) : Ice Blue then layer 1:1 Ice Blue : Skull White

Crew

Boots, Gloves and Leather: Layer Scorched Brown
Silver Metal: Highlight 1:1 Chainmail : Mithril Silver
Gold Metal: Wash Gryphonne Sepia
Armour Trim and Yellow Cloth: Layer 1:1 Golden Yellow : Sunburst Yellow then layer Sunburst Yellow
White Cloth: Layer 1:1 (2:1 Skull White : Astronomacian Grey) : Skull White then layer watered down Skull White
Blue Cloth and Plume Layer 1:1 Ice Blue : (1:1 Skull White : Ice Blue) : Ice Blue then layer 1:1 Ice Blue : Skull White
Wood: Layer 1:1 Graveyard Earth : Bleached Bone then layer Bleached Bone
Silver Metal: Highlight 1:1 Chainmail : Mithril Silver
Lion Skin: Layer Desert Yellow
Hair: (Vomit Brown) highlight Vomit Brown OR (Dheneb Stone) highlight Bleached Bone
Elf and Lion Flesh: Wash watered down Ogryn Flesh
Claws: Highlight 1:1 Chaos Black : Bleached Bone

Lions

Rock: Drybrush Codex Grey
Grass: Wash Tharka Green
Leather: Layer Scorched Brown
Silver Metal: Highlight 1:1 Chainmail : Mithril Silver
Gold Metal: Wash Gryphonne Sepia
Armour Trim: Layer 1:1 Golden Yellow : Sunburst Yellow then layer Sunburst Yellow
Mouth: Layer Elf Flesh
Teeth: Layer Dheneb Stone
Lion Body: Layer Kommando Khaki
Lion Fur: Wash with Graveyard Earth, then wash with 1:1 Graveyard Earth : Scorched Brown
Lion Flesh: Wash watered down Ogryn Flesh
Claws: Highlight 1:1 Chaos Black : Bleached Bone

Yes I haven't finished it yet, remember I was ill. Will I finish it in time for my first battle? Almost certainly not, as I've already had that battle. I'll be sure to tell you all about later in the week.

So there you go Santa and his Elves ready for his battle, are you going to be the one to kill him and ruin everyone's Christmasses for ever more, really will it be you? I don't think you can bring yourself to do it.

Oh and if not that's enough fun, and you're missing my rants? Here's what I thought about the first week of The X Factor, god help me. I tried my best to avoid it, but sadly I became subject to a portion of the show, not all of it you understand, else I wouldn't have had time to live my life, write this blog, or even get washed. Two and half hours!! I mean seriously! Who can stand it? Especially given it feels like a hell of a lot longer. Einstein's Theory of General Relativity states that time appears to pass more slowly for an observer who is stationary. I can only presume that during the average edition of The X Factor I become frozen in the exact spot I was sitting, with even the movement of the tiniest molecules in my body completely curtailed thus forcing me to sit through the maximum possible duration of the programme. I mean perhaps if the programme makers had made the programme slightly shorter than an eternity, it would have actually been physically possible for Simon Cowell to appear in both the US and the UK versions without having to violate the laws of time. And after two and half hours, is there really anyone who can stomach the thought of "turning over for more with The Xtra Factor" – seriously are you on some kind of suicide pact?

Fortunately I only caught the result show, of which approximately 75% is a recap consisting of pretty much all of the original show bar the advert breaks. But this week the "big twist" was the fact that rather than us voting, the judges were each forced to evict one of their own acts. The Sun said "X Factor contestants and judges wept last night as four acts were dumped from the show live on air in shockingly brutal scenes." Shockingly brutal, really? I don't remember that bit, were the losers savaged by a pack of wolves unleashed by Caroline Flack over on ITV2? In which case I'm disappointed I didn't turn over to The Xtra Factor. Obviously these "shockingly brutal scenes" were completely different to the previous week's exceptionally similar scenes where multiple acts were also jettisoned from the show by individual judges – but as it happened in the sunshine it's clearly not brutal (despite them being thousands of miles away from the support of any family and friends, unlike in the studio). Even poor old Dermot was shocked as Digital Spy reported "O'Leary described the changes to the opening live show as the "worst thing we've ever done",". Conveniently forgetting the fact The X Factor has previously mocked the mentally ill, exploited children as young as 14 by entering them in the show and worst of all given birth to Chico –  an act for which surely everyone involved in the entire production should rot in hell for, for all eternity as penance.

Thankfully unlike pretty much everyone else on the planet, I've managed to maintain my sense of perspective by remembering it's only a bloody reality show – these people would probably have been voted off anyway, and harsh as the "big twist" is, the only purpose it's really served is to save a lot of morons a fortune in telephone voting.

And I'm done... feel much better.

[Dave]

OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MOCKED THE X FACTOR, U R A FUKN REETURD.

That about right for the level of intelligence of an x factor fan?

Nice post but I have to say what a cheap trick.  Including an empty box in your draw and not only that but making it Lee's favourite number was low.  And while you might not have asked for it (or if you have I skimmed that bit) I'd like number 1 for the next draw too (note I say draw rather than month).

Army looks a bit of fun, sure it'll wreck the hobby for someone (your or your opponent).

My club is about to kick off on the latest campaign season starting out at 1000pts and I'm going to rock out the woodies.  Our previouis 'it's not a campaign but it's small games and special rules' the organiser wrote a very detailed comp pack which was very nice of him, unfortunately it had a few holes wide enough to drive a bus through, so to prove a point I did exactly that.  This pack has a different comp system on it.  It includes the statement 'don't be a dick, if you are we'll kick you out the campaign'   Far more effective and I can't help but feel it's all down to me!