Tale of OG Gamers - High Elves

[Meals]

Just found this article:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/4849238/Surprising-discovery-in-research-addiction

"Seeing a milkshake can activate the same areas of the brain that light up when an addict sees cocaine, American researchers say."


This explains alot...

[Veldemere]

before you know it those crazy kids will be freebasing Angel Delight

[maelzch]

I think Matt (the student) tried that once

[cunningmatt]

They had to do research to find this out?! Isn't obvious? I could tell them that when you see chocolate your brain goes "mmmmmmmm"!!

So based on there research this should make you hungry...



I'm off for a milkshake! 

[cunningmatt]

Wednesday 6th April - WEEK 14

Hearty celebrations, yes as I'm sure you are aware today is the start of a new tax year, how excited are you? Yeah, you can fill up a brand new ISA and do lots of other things... probably... yeah. Horray for the tax year and of course it means April Fool's sillyness is out of the way for another year, did anyone catch you out? TfL did a great one where they claimed there was a "Good Service" on all London Underground lines. How I laughed.

Avid readers will remember that last week I commented on Lee's birthday or more specifically the fact that Lee was turning 24:

That's depressing, I have things at the back of my fridge older than you. I was 24 ages ago, it was such a long time ago that people actually had money then, it was time when it was alright to hate Jade Goody, Kate Thornton was awkwardly trying to control the X Factor judges like a failing supply teacher, and Army Books cost less than their weight in gold.

I mention this vitriolic rant again, because on Monday at the club, after a very successful outing for the Beastmen, (and by "very successful" I mean utterly disastrous) I engaged in conversation about the topic with Ol (and by "conversation" I mean abuse forum). The conversation centred on my actual age, and whether that qualifies me to moan about being old. After revealing my genuine age to Ol, he scoffed loudly before saying "In you head maybe, go on what's your real age?", this is always a comforting reaction to admitting your age, in that sort of way that having an armed squad from the KGB smash in your windows and hold you at gun point is comforting.

To avoid you having to guess or write on the forum and ask what my real age is I can tell you now, no it's not 21, but I'm in fact 28... well 29 tomorrow, hence the reason I feel this conversation is specifically pertinent. As I get towards the age where the London Fire Brigade need to be called to put out the candles on my cake, I'm forced to question at what point am I old, and at what point is it ok to moan about being old? Is 29 old? It would be old for a cat but young for an octogenarian so I guess like all things it's relative.

Which brings me to the next point Ol, being the other side of 30 than me, claims I have no right to moan about being old? Really? But what about a 40 year old, surely they would say the same to thing Ol if he moaned about being old, and extending this logic surely the only person allowed to moan would be the oldest person alive, as they bore the second oldest person alive with statements beginning "You think you're old...". But surely if you follow my logic a two-year old can moan at a one-year old about how young they are, which to be honest I don't mind if it's done with appropriate wit and comic flare. Though in fairness my line from last week...

Though I have just noticed that according to the forum, you're only turning 24, twenty-four, twenty-f***king four.

...probably isn't my finest example of blistering wit.

Clearly neither of the extremities I have detailed above are any more correct that the fact that Kerry Katona's allowed to breed and she hasn't been chemically sterilised for the good of the gene pool. So what age is it ok to moan about being old? To add to the evidence only a few weeks ago I was telling a friend who'd just turned 23 to "shut up" after they moaned about being old. If that's the case what gives me the right a mere six years later to do the same?

Well in fairness I think there's one very good reasons why the mid-twenties (and by that I mean late-twenties, thank you), are the time to start moaning about your age. Because this is the first time in your life you start to realise your not the youngest any more, ok fair enough clearly people in there thirties are older, but you realise you are at the top of a slippery slope, thirties are your inevitable destiny, just as forties are the destiny of those in there thirties and there's nothing anyone can do about it. You see between 18 and 25 you can claim your young, because no one's younger than you. Of course there are children, but there have always been children, and you're used to children being younger than you from school. In school children are segregated entirely by age, and there was an advantage to be older, as older kids got to beat up younger kids/be their form representative (dependent on whether you were state or private educated). No the late twenties are the first time there are genuine adults younger than you, and not even ones you can excuse away with the fact they are at university so there still kids really. I have two 25 year old people working in my office (who nominally I'm in charge of, though they have other ideas), they've been to uni, and whilst I think of them as kids, they're proper genuine adults and they are clearly younger than me! This has never happened before, people younger than me have always been children.

Secondly you spend the first twenty years of your life believing your body will never age, the most traumatic thing to drop out of your body are your teeth and your testis (but you get a new set of at least one of these). Now hair's starting to fall out, except for my nose which is now sprouting hair so fast a team of landscape gardeners needs to be called in. Additionally I'm coming to the inescapable conclusion that my face is slowly starting to slide down my head, there seems to be a build up of excess skin around the chin area, at this rate by the time I'm fifty my face will look like my scrotum.

And then there's my health and physical fitness, gone are the days where I can eat what I want, I'm not saying I'm obese by any means but my body is no longer able to hide three days of junk food without worrying. Now a pizza binge manifests itself so that under poor lighting I look like I could be a few months pregnant. And as for exercise, it becomes that much harder for that much less reward, gone are the days where a quick jog around the Common started the day and got me off to a bouncy start. Now running for the Tube makes me more breathless than an asthmatic in the vacuum of space.

There's also the worry about things you can't do any more, as a child getting older meant there were more things you can do drinking, driving, lottery, buying !@%$#%@ without the need for a step ladder. The only things you stopped being able to do was go to the under 8s ballet class, and then that was alright because you got to go the 9-12 year olds ballet class. As you get to the late twenties, you're simply not allowed to do things any more, I'm questioning whether I should go on an 18-30 holiday now before it's too late. Yet the concept of an 18-30 holiday utterly despises me, but what if on the day I turn 31 I suddenly decide that I really want to vomit all over beautiful areas of the Mediterranean, hang my undergarments off a lamppost and have more fun with bubbles than Michael Jackson ever did at a foam party?

So you see I admit that 29 is not that old in the grand scheme of things, but it's part of that crucial age where nature finally reminds you that you are going to be old. As superhuman and as invincible as you may have seemed during childhood, 25-30 is the age at which your body starts to rebel, at which the signs of age start to show you that soon you will look like Colonel Gadaffi's stunt double. You may not be old yet, but you're no longer young and no matter what you thought, your body is deserting you, it won't be long before when you stand up your knees make a sound like an old dial-up modem connecting to the internet. Or put another way 25-30 is the age where getting older starts turning s**t, under 25 and there's usually a bonus to getting old, over 30 and you're life is already s**t so you shouldn't be surprised, you now know it's s**t and then you die!

So there you go, enjoy your gaming tomorrow, I for one will be sat at home alone, crying into a large tub of Ben & Jerry's with a candle in, because I've dropped the spoon on the floor and my stiff old back won't let me bend down and pick it up.

What's In The Box?

I'm afraid that to follow that depressing statement I have some further bad news... it's Cheryl... I'm afraid she's finally passed from this world unto the next...



As befits her status she has been given a proper burial...



I don't know how we will all go on, I really don't. As a mark of respect we'll have a minute's punching toilet assistants. Sad as this is, this does bring me onto an important question of who will be the independent adjudicator in last week's* What's In The Box? Well this actually solved by the fact we only had one entrant, so I think even I can independently draw that. Congratulations Ritchie you've won the most hollow victory ever, in that you haven't won anything and you only won nothing by default. Still it's a bigger thrill than Lotto.

Here was the state of the boxes before Ritchie's pick.



And has he picked box 11 , let's take a look inside.



Not sure it's that exciting... it's a box of classic plastic Orcs & Goblins:



There's 30 Goblin Spearmen (from Warhammer 4th edition), with a variety of shields some even attached to them:



18 Orc Arrer Boyz (as they were called at the time), I believe some of these could have potentially been from the Warhammer Quest game:



28 Night Goblin Archers, again from 4th edition Warhammer:



10 Black Orc Warriors (classics yes, but nowhere near as good as their present day models):



23 Orc Warriors (again Warhammer Quest had a hand here):



You may have noticed a few odd painted Orcs there, yes these were some of my very, very first attempts at painting:



It appears I didn't have many colours back then, but I think you'll agree the basing is some of my finest work.

*Two weeks ago, as I forgot about the draw last week.

High Elves

Apparently this blog is about High Elves, I hide it well, but I should give you an update as to where I am with them.

Firstly I neglected to say last month, that I have reached the elusive 1,400 points mark, which back way back when, when the rules were formulated is the next value at which my army should be "legal", and the point where the next round of games takes place. So if anyone Tale of OG Gamers or otherwise (I suspect otherwise), fancies taking on my High Elves (and winning) for a battle report on this very blog, do please get in touch.

"But Matt, what are you painting up this month for your High Elves?" I hear you cry, metaphorically of course, unless you've broken into my house again. Please stop doing that. With just 600 points left I think it's time for some "cool stuff", an ironic phrase which when used to describe miniatures instantly makes you "uncool", but there we go. High Elves certainly aren't short of "cool stuff", and now my army is finally big enough to support it I've decided to paint up the Lord and Griffon from The Island of Blood. Weighing in at whopping 350 points, without equipment, he's going to be a two month project and as both rider and Griffon are one model, I can't conveniently split the painting so you'll have to bare with.

I started by assembling and getting the ever present friend of green stuff out to fill up gaps between wings and body halves:



With the whole model supported above the base by an extra tall flying stand (they've gone crazy as it's all plastic), I had a full 50mm x 50mm base to decorate so I added a line of rocks from the Warhammer Basing Kit. I've nearly used all the large slate pieces so mixed in a few medium ones too, and at one end of the line I places a small Elven tower* spare from the Dragon kit – I had intended to use this on one of my Great Eagles, but given their lower position on the base there was nowhere I could glue without looking like the eagle was about to fly into it!





And with the Lord on Griffon weighing in at 350 points, this left me 50 points over the course of the two months** to spend, and so I have already this month painted up four Lothern Sea Guard to add to Smoggy's Sea Guard, taking the total to eighteen:



And, no these four were absolutely not painted at the same time as the original fourteen, I was very good and painted them quickly this month, honest!  I used the same technique described way back on Page 1 and 2 of this blog – ahh happier times, before I became and embittered ranter.

Sadly all I've done to the Lord on Griffon is spray him with Chaos Black, but hopefully some more will be done by next week.

*is it a tower? It doesn't seem big enough, a baby monument? Turret? Phallic erection? Get in touch if you know the technical term!

**To clarify I'm pooling April and May to get my Lord painted, and thus have 400 points to paint.

Black Isle

So the final battles have been fought and the Black Isle lies in the hands of the Beastmen, if by that you mean the army to have the most casualties on the isle that's probably true, otherwise almost certainly it's a lie. The final standings are that I came second... from bottom, still that's probably a better position than Clegg will get at the next election, so I should take some comfort from that.

My final battle was last week against Mike's Warriors of Chaos, he was assaulting my tower. Given I had already managed to win a hold the tower game, and I still had 300 points extra in this game, what could possibly go wrong?

Beastlord Clegg heard the warning call come out from the Beastmen's only watch tower. He felt confident he could crush all onlookers, he was ruler of this half of the Beastmen and he had earned that position rising through the ranks crushing all who stood before him. It wasn't as if he got the job after his dad pulled a few strings, no not at all. Though he remembered he should probably speak to his uncle, as he apparently he was able to get a new set of those iHorns you could buy, and he'd be able to get one on a nudge and a wink.

The Beastmen surged towards the tower accompanied by their reinforcements, a new unit of Harpies and three more Minotaurs accompanying V, A and T. The Chaos Warriors charged the tower hacking and slashing wiping out most of the Beastmen Gor in the tower, they refused to flee but they wouldn't hold out much longer. The Beastmen headed as fast as their hooves could carry them but couldn't reach their targets.

Then the might of the Warriors of Chaos charged, a unit of Wariors hit the flank of the Bestigor led by David Milliband and Cable, the large Tzeentch unit redoubled their attack on the tower and the Chaos Knights smacked into the Minotaurs. The Tzeentch Warriors slaughtered every single Gor in the tower and claimed their prize. However the Beastmen on foot fared better with David Milliband slaughtering the Chaos Warrior Champion, the Bestigor holding the flank charge and reforming to face the foe. The Minotaurs slaughtered every one of the Chaos Knights with only minimal losses.

Clegg countered the forces of Chaos by sending his Minotaurs into the flank of the Warriors of Chaos unit locked with the Beastmen, whilst the Harpies saw off one of the units of Marauder Horsemen. With the Champion dead the Chaos Sorcerer had to challenge and the Minotaur Champion stepped up and slaughtered him. The combined weight of the Bestigors and the Minotaurs was too much for the Warriors as only two survived and they fled, however they were able to pick out Bray Shaman Cable killing him with their attacks. "Pah" thought Clegg, Cable's Lore of the Wild was crap anyway.

The Warriors of Chaos consolidated their position as the Beastmen pushed for the attack the Bestigor charged the tower, but the Tzeentch Warriors in the tower (buffed by their Warshrine) slaughtered three quarters of them before they fought and the Bestigor were pushed back. Meanwhile the Harpies dealt with the other Marauder Horseman unit.

The Minotaurs then charged the tower but were all slaughtered before they could even strike a blow. So Clegg led his Gors in on the charge, all bar him were slaughtered and he was unable to shift the Warriors. Then the Warshrine charged Clegg, his magical axe gave him amazing strength against the Warshrine, but it's mystic aura simply shrugged of the attacks.

As the sun set the Warriors held the tower with most of the Beastmen dead at its feet. Clegg still furiously trying to smash the Warshrine.


So another loss to add to the selection of losses, in fairness Chaos Warriors (buffed up with a Warshrine) are bloody difficult to shift from a tower and there was nothing I could do to stop them getting in there in the first place. I thought my army performed well at close combat on the ground (we'll forget the fact I had an extra 300 points to play with and say it's down to my skill), the Minotaurs and Bestigor making short work of Chaos Warriors and Knights. And my Harpies, who I almost exclusively use for dealing with war machines drove off two units of fast cavalry – two attacks and a mighty initiative five means they're quite good this and I will have to get them to perform this role more often. Thanks to Mike for a good game, and catching completely off guard with the comment "Had any good rants today?" I forget people actually read this and form an opinion on me based upon it.

Congratulations to Andrew for winning the whole campaign, despite me stealing a load of his gold, thanks to Tom C for doing even worse than I did so I didn't look so bad! And a massive thanks to Ol for organising and running, it was thoroughly enjoyable and I look forward to the next one.

Over the course of the ten battles I've learnt some important lessons which I'll share with you now:

1)   You can win with Beastmen, I actually won two whole games – my first two Beastmen wins ever (incidentally I already knew you can lose with Beastmen).
2)   Lore of the Wild really is piss poor, I was hoping I could prove the doubters wrong by using it in defiance of their objections, but it really is about as useful as Lauren Laverne on 10 o'Clock Live (bless her she seems lovely though). However the spell that makes everyone's steeds attack the riders does concern Bretonnian players, but I'm pretty sure that's not sufficiently redeeming.
3)   If you do win, roll high for the gold total, extremely poor rolls for my wins really didn't help. In one case I rolled more for a loss than a win.
4)   Never name your characters after unpopular public figures as it tends to make people want to kill them. 14 injuries, it's like the season finale of ER. Next time I'm going to name them after more popular people like Hitler and Pol Pot.
5)   Lee isn't as easy to beat as I'd hoped, he's lead me into false security with his poor artillery dice rolls over the years!

With the Black Isle in the hands of despised humans who worship Chaos, Great Bray Shaman Cameron gathered the remains of his army to return back to the Old World. The expedition had been a complete disaster, his best Minotaurs lay dead, he'd lost more Beastmen chariots than he'd shut down libraries in his lifetime. On the plus side the recent rise in inheritance tax coupled with the death of so many Gors should boost the coffers. He was confident he'd be able to push the blame onto Beastlord Clegg, especially now he'd thrown him overboard, it was his own fault – he just wouldn't shut up about the Single Transferable Vote for the whole wretched campaign.

And that's pretty much it for this week, I'd tell you what I plan to do next week but whenever I do it always seems to change. It probably will involve the new Tomb Kings which yes it would have been topical to talk about today, but I didn't have enough time to think of anything funny to say. I'm off to eat cake and wait by the letterbox for cards.

Oh and remember please let me know if you want to take on the 1,400 points of High Elves (sadly I can't make next week, but like piles I will return – although that is the only similarity between myself and piles I should point out).

[Dave]

I do like pictures of drinks on banners, my dwarfs have a pint of guiness on the bsb's flag!  And I have been known to imbibe the odd pint whilst playing.

Still loving the colour choice for these guys and love the way you approach banners, I usually can't be bothered shading them down much so usually chop off the flag bits and just stick totem things on instead as they're far easier to paint. 

As for addition to milkshakes I own a blender, a freezer and a fruit bowl.  I may or may not have a slight addiction to banana and vanilla ice cream milkshakes.  And might I also recommend blending aero bars into vanilla ice cream, Mmmm I'm off for my next hit.

[cunningmatt]

I usually can't be bothered shading them down much so usually chop off the flag bits and just stick totem things on instead as they're far easier to paint. 

I know what you mean totems are a lot bloody easier to paint, I tend to use that option on my Warriors of Chaos builds quite a lot!

As for addition to milkshakes I own a blender, a freezer and a fruit bowl.  I may or may not have a slight addiction to banana and vanilla ice cream milkshakes.  And might I also recommend blending aero bars into vanilla ice cream, Mmmm I'm off for my next hit.

Mmmmmm, good choice, can I recommend blending Smarties into vanilla ice cream, not only does it taste nice but it leaves colour trails in the ice cream which look cool.

Look at all these receipes, we've gone all Delia!

[maelzch]

ahh, the old 4th edition gobbos with the horrible pointed sticks! I'm pretty certain that most people who played back then have a story about getting them stuck in their hand!

5)   Lee isn't as easy to beat as I'd hoped, he's lead me into false security with his poor artillery dice rolls over the years!

Don't believe the hype, it's just the fact that I seem to have a negative effect on opponents dice!

[cunningmatt]

ahh, the old 4th edition gobbos with the horrible pointed sticks! I'm pretty certain that most people who played back then have a story about getting them stuck in their hand!

Feet I always found, but then I am rather odd!

Don't believe the hype, it's just the fact that I seem to have a negative effect on opponents dice!

In fairness I can't remember if my dice were particularly bad against you, but then I was hysterical during the game, all I remember is your cannon and mortar misfire far less than your Hellcannon ever did - damn Emprie engineering! 

[Dave]

Happy birthday and welcome to 29. As a spritely 31 year old I can say it's made feck all difference to me, over the last few years, except for the gradual creep of my weight that you've begun to experience.