Tale of OG Gamers - High Elves

[fatolaf]

so I've got to go through a whole new round of weddings of people I know even less well.  The joy...

Aargh my idea of hell  , Bad enough at the best of times. Just do what Ihave done in the past, just say no 

[cunningmatt]

Friday 14th January – WEEK 2

Hola – that's Spanish for hello, apparently. Yes I'm back from the sunshine paradise of Gran Canaria, slightly browner and about 4 stone heavier. I wouldn't want to make you jealous but it was 25ºC and looked like this:



I'm so glad to be back in damp London I can't tell you, no really I can't! In the style of Blue Peter after their summer expedition, this week's blog entry is Painting on the Move from Gran Canaria. Don't worry hopefully it won't be as boring as the Blue Peter Summer Expedition, and I promise there is some painting action in there for those of you who strangely think that I should mention these things!

Now it has been suggested that I like to moan in these blogs:

I started reading the blog with two words in my mind - Charlie Brooker

That couldn't be further from the truth, could it? Well to prove it I'll start this week by talking about something I like, I know surprising isn't it? But whilst packing for Gran Canaria I did remember my fondness for mini-toiletries. Aside from the obvious advantages of mini-toiletries – namely you don't fill up your spongebag or use up all your baggage allowance carrying a bottle of shampoo the size of one of the smaller Canary Islands, there's something I find intrinsically pleasing about mini-toiletries. I think it's the fact that they are faithful replicas of their bigger cousins, except unlike fun-size chocolate they are actually useful and practical. Here you can see my collection:



Incidentally if anyone knows where I can get the mini-versions of the Nivea for Men products I'd be very grateful as I can't find them anymore. Usually there's a section in Boots and Superdrug with them, where when you find them briefly you think you've turned into a giant, until you realise all the products are supposed to be smaller. For comparison here they are next to a standard-sized Elf:



And people say I don't feature High Elves in this blog!

Some people moan that mini-toiletries are too small to last a week, but I often find when presented with a smaller supply I naturally ration the amount I have. Usually half the amount of shampoo will still wash my hair, I just guess I use too much with a massive supply at my disposal – well I think, the smaller amounts get me clean, though inordinate amount of flies did bother me on holiday, perhaps I did smell like a turd? Obviously I do make an exception for hair wax, come on this level of hair care doesn't do itself – in fact my hair has been styled to within an inch of it's life and a proper wax supply is required, none of this mini-bottles this is a standard week's supply for me (with rationing):



Mini toiletries aside, it was time to pack and get ready for flying. I have actually only flown once before and that was to America on the 9th of September 2001, as you can imagine this was a slightly concerning time to fly back, but I don't want to turn this into "Where was I during a terrorist attack" Top Trumps. This event didn't really put me off flying, just it's been a while so it's still a relatively new experience. First thing is first packing and the various regulations, when I last went flying you could bring anything onto a plane even a shotgun could go in your hand luggage and no one would care (that might not be true), but now a tube of moisturiser could potentially send your aircraft tumbling from the skies. So with my Wii Fit out to weigh my suitcase, first time that's been used in a while, I diligently made sure that my suitcase weighed under 20kg, and that all my heavy stuff went in my hand luggage (no weight limit there). The High Elves and paints I was taking had to go in the hold, whilst it would have been fun to say I've painted at 10,000 feet – the Games Workshop version of the Mile High Club, taking twenty pots multi-coloured pots of liquid through the security checks may have raised a few eyebrows and to be honestly I was secretly hoping for a full body pat down – the closest to sexual activity I'll get on the holiday, so I didn't want the paints to distract from that.

With my luggage packed it was off to the sunshine paradise that is London Gatwick, Britain's second busiest airport, which involves me passing through Britain's busiest train station.



Why promote this? Surely this isn't a feature to be proud of. During my early morning commute I wouldn't want to be constantly reminded that I'm travelling through Britain's Busiest Railway station, I want to travel through "Britain's Quietest Railway Station" or "Britain's Least Delayed Railway Station" or "Britain's Best Railway Station at Segregating Stupid People onto their own Platforms". Any how despite all this we made it to Gatwick, where we checked in our luggage and were submitted to all kind of luggage checks, including the deployment of liquids in clear plastic bags. This bit always makes me nervous for some reason, I have the kind of random blind panic where I think there's a chance I may have accidentally packed the kitchen knives or a chainsaw in my luggage which is generally hard to explain, and typically if they do find a kitchen knife in your luggage you can't just say "Oh sorry, is that banned? I'll leave that behind" – typically it's frowned upon. Fortunately I passed the X-ray, sadly my foil-lined underpants didn't set off the metal detector, so no pat down for me. Sigh.

At this point your hand luggage is branded to show it has been checked.



Now I'm not a real snob, but walking around Duty Free with this proudly displayed on my hand luggage is a bit like going round with the word "CHEAP" branded across your forehead – I want a T-Shirt that says "No upper class airlines fly direct to where I'm going" to accompany it. Still meant I could look down on the people with Ryanair tags on their bags, which undoubtedly they had to pay extra for. Duty Free, isn't really so exciting when you realise that your travelling within the European Union so you're not entitled to any tax off, so instead of Duty Free it should be called "Same Price as on the High Street", particularly dull when you realise all the shops are ones that are on the High Street so there's nothing exciting to buy, other than over priced bottles of mineral water which you need to replace the perfectly good one you had to throw away before security checks. However for some reason there are a large number of luggage shops, which makes no sense. Who at this point, after checking in all your luggage, decides they need to buy a massive suitcase, which they can't even take on the plane anyway as it's too big for hand luggage? Some mad person must, or do these shops work in collusion with the airlines getting a cut of the excess baggage allowance charged on passengers trying to take a set of matching new holdalls into the cabin?

Anyway I didn't buy any luggage, instead I went for some lunch. Given that nothing in the Duty Free area (that isn't actually duty free) can be dangerous if smuggled onto the plane, because you've already been checked and scanned. When you have dinner in Duty Free you're not given a real knife. Instead your given a flat piece of metal cross between a spatula and a fish slice which couldn't be used to cut anything, lest you try and hold up the plane with it. Thank god I didn't order the steak, or I'd still be there now trying to hack it into pieces. However given this reason for not supplying knives, surely haven't gone far enough if I could hold up the cabin crew with a knife I could also hold them up with a broken piece of crockery – I was given a china plate after all. What about holding up the cabin crew with a cup of hot coffee, we all know that can burn if spilt on a member of the cabin crew? Or even giving them a nasty series of paper cuts with a novel bought in WHSmith, run a copy of War and Peace across someone's finger they'll be desperate to let you into the cockpit (I realise that could sound like a euphemism, but I'm hoping you're all grown up enough to ignore). Worst of all those giant Toblerones, what if one of the cabin crew is nut intolerant? Give me control of the aircraft or Tracy the lead cabin crew is going into Anaphylactic shock! I think to be honest security is too lax on aircraft, in a few minutes I've found a serious of obvious breaches. By the way given that last year a man was convicted of "sending menacing electronic communications" after tweeting that he was going to blow up Robin Hood airport as it was closed due to snow delaying his trip http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-11408239. I would like to point out I am joking, and I have no intention of holding up any aircraft with a giant Toblerone or any other object. Just to be safe. But if MI5 or the other security services are now reading this post: Hi, do keep reading there's some good painting pictures coming up later!

After the joy of Duty Free and Toblerones, it was time for the flight. Despite the fact you have to check in over an hour before boarding there's always some desperately running to board the flight minutes before it takes off, no doubt armed with a new set of luggage. That wasn't me, we got on the EasyJet flight nice and quick so we could get good seats, I say good, I mean seats together, none of the seats are brilliant let's be honest. Though the one thing I will say about EasyJet is I admire the loyalty amongst the staff, there aren't many companies where the faces of all the employees are the company colour, you certainly wouldn't get it on BA so it's nice to see it here. An interesting thing about flying, is that you never actually see the outside of the aircraft, invariably the windows of the terminal don't allow a good view of your own craft. I mean I presume it's like the others, but for all I know it could be made of cardboard, or be a knocked off job with different colour doors to bodywork like some cheap car. Because of this I don't have any photos of the plane, so it's over to our resident 4 year old artist for her take on the plane:



Yeah. Not her best work in fairness. Though she hasn't done a picture for a while, she must be rusty.

Once we're all settled a lovely member of cabin crew announced "The flight is four hours, so that's plenty of time to get comfortable and enjoy the flight" – well thank god for that, if the flight had only been three and a half hours, I'd have insisted we circled Gran Canaria for thirty minutes so I could fully enjoy the flight. If it had been only a ninety minute domestic flight, I'd have had no time to get comfortable, I'd have been in agony! Once on the flight, whilst enjoying my four hours, you get a chance to look through a small version of the Argos catalogue selling a variety of in-flight gifts from alcohol to perfumes, from alarm clocks to LEGO (I know how exciting? I was forced to hold back!). Which does pose the question if I spent hours weighing out my luggage to ensure I didn't take a single gram over 20kg to conserve aircraft fuel and avoid a hefty surcharge, how come there's enough free weight to carry all this crap back and forth in case anyone happens to want a digital alarm clock? Surely if you dumped all this tat each passenger could have an extra kilo or two?

The highlight of the flight however had to be the women behind me, now I know that take-off and landing are the two most dangerous parts of flying, once you're in the air it's fine until you want to get down. So understandably if I'm going to be apprehensive, it'll be at this time. It was during take-off where she chose to announce she'd been in a recent "plane crash", where apparently during landing the plane had tilted and the right wing hit the ground, causing the plane to roll to the left and the left wing to then hit the ground. During this time the pilot had apparently left on the intercom and shouted "Abort landing, abort landing" down the Tannoy – not the most reassuring thing you can hear. I'm not totally sure how true this story is, but I'm guessing the woman's nerves weren't calmed by repeating it, and neither were the other passengers who had to hear this story. However during landing she was a lot worse, as during our final approach the plane was rocking a little bit due to turbulence, causing the woman to shout "It was like this when I crashed", followed by the line "Please don't crash, please don't crash!" and then once we touched the runway "Brake! Brake!" was shouted at the top of her voice. It goes without saying I shall be billing her for my underwear dry cleaning. Some of you may suspect that I exaggerate my stories for this blog, but I can assure you the woman genuinely shouted all those things!

On that hysterical note, we'd finally landed in Gran Canaria – who'd have though 2,400 words in the blog, before we even got to Gran Canaria! Here's some exciting photos of Las Palmas airport for those of you who like such things:





The worst part of arriving at an airport, is baggage reclaim, I'd bought a new suitcase for this trip and couldn't remember what the hell it looked like. I think it was blue, but then it could have been black, I remember it sort of looked suitcase-y but then most of the bags did. Next time I fly I may paint my luggage the colour of a Shakeaway cup to give me a chance of recognising it on the carousel, which did remind of Yo Sushi, yum yum!

Incidentally if you're wondering what happened to Charlie Dimmock and Tommy Walsh, they now run the facilities at Las Palmas airport as this picture shows:



Good to see woman without bras can still get work.

After a quick connecting coach ride, we were at the hotel:



The hotel was very nice, here's some nice pictures of the surroundings:











I wasted no time in setting up painting corner on the balcony:





You can just see my towel and swim shorts drying in the background, don't worry to save discomfort all round I haven't posted any pictures of me topless in this blog, shame I know, but you'll have to manage.

Here's the view from my painting balcony:



Where you can see the sea, and the neighbouring hotel which managed to block out the sun for the best part of the day, sadly my petition to have it demolished wasn't accepted.

To those of you disappointed with the lack of progress made with the High Elves:

The beasts are looking really nice, now ignore them and focus on the high elves like you were meant to!

You'll be pleased to know I packed the High Elf Archers (January's painting task) and the Repeater Bolt Thrower (part of December's task – oops!). I'd like to point out at this point, I didn't go on holiday just to paint and I certainly didn't avoid the delights of sun, sea and sand to paint. However I have trouble sleeping when I'm away, so tended to do about an hour in the morning before my room mates woke up, and an hour around sunset when my travel mates had a little nap before we went out. It's amazing how much painting gets done without the distractions of the TV, internet or blogging, so within a few days my Archers got to Stage 1:

Stage 1 – High Elf Archers











Nothing exciting about the paint scheme, but in case you are interested:

Base: Khemri Brown
Leather: Scorched Brown
Robes: 1:1 Astronomacian Grey: Skull White
Silver Metal: Chainmail
Gold Metal: Shining Gold*
Flesh: Dwarf Flesh
Sleeves and Trousers: Iyanden Dark Sun
Sash and Quivers: 1:1 Enchanted Blue: Ice Blue
Hair: Vomit Brown or Dheneb Stone or Calthan Brown or Scorched Brown**
Wood: Khemri Brown

* - usually I'd paint Tin Bitz as my Gold undercoat as it tends to cover better on this, unfortunately I forgot to pack Tin Bitz (I was trying to not take too many colours!), so instead I painted straight Shining Gold, which I'd then recoat in Stage 2 where needed.

** - with the High Elf Archers hair is quite important as unlike most other regiments they have no helmets so you can see a full head of lovely locks on every model. Hence I chose a few different colours so they didn't all look like clones, even the odd dark-haired elf with Scorched Brown simply for diversity, there's no ethnic cleansing in my High Elves!

Incidentally if you're wondering why they've been photographed in the hotel bathroom, the lighting was particularly strong in there, just what you need when looking at your face after just waking up!! And the pile of bits were the few casualties that occurred during the flight, I blame EasyJet as I think it's unlikely me jumping up and down on the suitcase to shut it caused these problems! Sadly as well as the Tin Bitz forgot the plastic glue so these would have to be fixed on my return to the UK!

After that little bit of painting, it must be time to get back to the hotel, most of the facilities were lovely including the swimming pool, sauna, sun terrace and apparently the gym was good too – though I wouldn't know. Although the restaurant possibly was my favourite, being all inclusive, you got an all-you-can-eat buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner with all-you-can-eat snacks in between and a free bar! Which is just what you need after the Christmas binge! I decided to get my money's worth, my record being 11 lumps of ice cream in one day. Mmmmmmm. The choice of food was very interesting, breakfast always threw up some curveballs as amongst the bacon and eggs, pancakes, cheeses and cereals often came random vegetables such as broccoli and courgettes! Which suspiciously were available on the previous night's dinner. I don't know if the hotel staff had something against vegetarians, but sadly what limited vegetarian choices they were, were often deliberately ruined. Peas and other vegetables would often be served with a sprinkling of ham for no real reason! But the best thing about eating had to be the comedy signage; most dishes were labelled in 5 European languages. Some probably didn't need a label, such as a tray of "Sweetcorn", which surely if you can't identify by inspection, then any number of translations would not help. Some needed more information such as the ever present "Fish In Sauce" or "Meat In Sauce" you're guess is as good as mine. And there was always the comedy translation such as "Smashed Potato" which for some reason had ham mixed in it! Still after 21 meals and copious amounts of snacking I don't feel fat at all, well maybe totally!

Talking of fish in sauce, here's the two lovely fish from the hotel pond, which never seemed to move, I think they may be plastic but don't tell the kids:



Now whilst the hotel was good, there were a few minor points I have. Not that I like to moan you understand, well not much.

The hotel entertainments manager was rather annoying, in fairness most of the guests were a lot older so bingo was a good entertainment for them. But he was quite insistent that everyone got involved to the point where when we saw him coming we pretended to be asleep to avoid being forced to participate in a fashion show or men versus women competition – all of which sounded much more preferable to sunbathing, I think not.

Oh and thanks to the other holiday maker who switched off the lights, you know who you are. I was just in the cubicle for a Number Twosies, when someone came in for a Number Onesies and upon leaving switched off the toilet lights. Not helpful when you've still got stuff dripping out your bum as you're forced to grope your way round the toilet with you trousers and pants round your ankles looking for the light switch hoping no one else enters the toilets because it will be difficult to explain. Hope that wasn't too much information.

Moving on there are many military, economic and technological secrets that the United Kingdom has, that is has chosen not to sure with its allies, trading partners and the rest of the World, why does one of these have to be the duvet? The duvet and fitted sheet is the best form of bed covering there is, why would you want any other? Yet in continental Europe there is the stubborn instance that a selection of various sheets, quilts and blankets is better. There are many problems with this. Firstly which layer of the sheets are you supposed to get between, it's never clear, often the bottom sheet as is loosely fitted as the top one, I have no idea where to go, and at bed time I do not want a puzzle. Secondly, wherever these beds are and what ever sheets are chosen, why is one of the layers always irrationally itchy for no good reason, and why no matter how hard you try to keep it away from your skin do the sheets some how part like the Red Sea to allow the itchy layer to rub right up and down your body? Thirdly flat sheets should be banned, as in the base sheet that rather then being elasticised to hold it to the mattress is instead simply folded under the mattress and held in place with hope. Every time I even so much as breathed in bed the thing came out from under the mattress, god forbid you turned over else the entire bed sheets wrapped themselves round you like an overfriendly python. Seriously I was tempted in the morning to make the bed with a staple gun.

On the subject of interior decorations, if you've got a bit of extra curtain fabric left over, what do you do with it?



Oh that's right you have it framed and put on the wall as a picture:



Maybe it's a Spanish thing.

Now if you are getting jealous, I'll try and make you feel better by telling you that one day it was cloudy and unfortunately it seems when it's cloudy not only is it colder but it's windier. Still being British we weren't going to let that stop us, cloudy and windy is what our summer is like, so while the other European nations retreated to the warmth of the bar we continued to sunbathe. Despite the fact the sun could not be seen we still had our sunglasses on so those plus cloud meant we couldn't see. We still had Factor 50 suncream on, you never know, just one ray could burn us. And we continued to sunbath even as the wind got strong enough to rattle the shutters on the gym and send deckchairs flying across the terrace. We did Britain proud. Alright eventually it got a bit nippy, so I went in and did some more painting, and got the Bolt Thrower and Archers up to Stage 2:

Stage 2 – High Elf Archers







Base: *NO CHANGE*
Leather: Washed with Badab Black
Robes: Layered with 1:2 Astronomacian Grey: Skull White
Silver Metal: Washed with Badab Black
Gold Metal: Shining Gold*
Flesh: Layered with Elf Flesh
Sleeves and Trousers: Layered with Golden Yellow
Sash and Quivers: Layered (Sash) / Drybrushed  (Quiver) with Ice Blue
Hair: Washed with Ogyrn Flesh (Vomit Brown base) or Washed with Badab Black Dheneb Stone or Calthan Brown base) or unchanged (Scorched Brown base)
Wood: Layered with slightly watered down Graveyard Earth**

* - I simply touched up the areas that needed a bit of extra Shining Gold, particularly large areas such as on the banner and musician's horn.

** - Watered down to allow the Khemri Brown layer to show through and give it a natural effect.



Sadly the bits pile was getting steadily bigger.



And here's the command group, the astute High Elf fans amongst you may have noticed I used heads from the Bolt Thrower crew for the Standard and Musician and the weird head from the Spearmen set for the Hawk Eye. Already having two units of Archers I thought it would be nice to vary the command models a bit, particularly as there aren't too many options for their equipment. I also added quivers from the Spearmen set (for the Lothern Sea Guard) which have bows in, for the models that were holding a bow.

Also got the High Elf Bolt Thrower up to the same standard:

Stage 2 – Repeater Bolt Thrower





Base (crew): *NO CHANGE*
Leather (crew): Washed with Badab Black
Robes (crew): 1:2 Astronomacian Grey: Skull White
Silver Metal (crew): Washed with Badab Black
Gold Metal (crew): Painted Shining Gold
Flesh (crew): Elf Flesh
Yellow Details (crew): Layered with Golden Yellow
Blue Details (crew): Layered with Ice Blue
Hair (crew): Washed with Ogryn Flesh
Wood (bolt thrower): Layered with slightly watered down Graveyard Earth (See notes for Archers)
Silver Metal (bolt thrower): Washed with Badab Black
Gold Metal (bolt thrower): Painted Shining Gold
Bolt Quivers (bolt thrower): Drybrushed with Ice Blue

From painting to the Spanish language, sadly my grip of Spanish is poor to none. At school I only learnt French and Latin (don't ask, it was a posh school – I felt out of place), and with me not taking any holidays in Ancient Rome (what is the Latin for my lilo has a puncture anyway?) only French has proved any use. Broadly speaking I have enough French knowledge to roughly translate enough to get buy in France, I am by no means a French expert or even what you would call mediocre, I just have enough familiarity to get the key points out of signs and to be able to construct a useful question asking where the toilets are. The only problem being unless the response is anything less complicated than pointing I have no idea what's been said. Unfortunately French has become my default foreign language, which always causes the problem of me saying "Bonjour" and "Merci, Au Revoir" in every shop for a week or two in the UK after I get back from France! In Spain this causes extra complications, as invariably they will great with me the Spanish "Hola", realise I'm English and speak to me in English and then I will end the conversation with "Merci, Au Revoir" by accidental default causing untold confusion. As you can see I'm doing my best to dispel the myth that Europeans believe the British are rubbish at foreign languages. My greatest Spanish language triumph was buying this sun cream:



At least I think it's Sun Cream, it's got the word Nivea on, they make creams and things, a picture of the sun and the number 20 which surely is the factor? In fairness for all I know it could be Beef Marinade which goes in the oven for 20 minutes and I've been smearing it all over my body in the sun – again that could explain the fly thing. Still foreign languages, mistranslations, faux-amie (that's French for false friends, and means words that look like English words, but are in fact different – see I know French) and general cultural differences means that signs in other languages can be quite funny. All we need is a comedy British twat to photograph them and point and laugh. It's my calling! So here are my favourite signs of the holiday.

A classic favourite from dinner here, yes I've got my long trousers but what do the women wear:



I sort of know what they mean by Habitual Elegance, but how would you define it, and what does that ban. I'm guessing women from Newcastle will have to starve.

Oh hang on a minute here's another sign from dinner explaining what to wear that might help:



I see, you can't calm dressed like a reject from Fame. Though apparently wigs on women are fine.

And of course remember in Spain, it's very rude to poke your feet:



I won't be poking my feet, whether it's raining or not you'll be pleased to know.

And do you want to be fondled by the chambermaid? No?



Well make sure you put up your "No Molesting" sign on the door then, or god knows what you could be in for.

And who wants to be insulted by a sign:



I know my swimming is poor, but putting up signs is just rude frankly.

Of course there's nothing possibly funny about this sign:



Except that from Geography lessons, I remember the thing it's erected upon is also called a groyne – tee he he, so much smut.

And finally a common sign in China:



Yes make sure you kill your second born child, oh and don't smoke either – good health advice.

You may be thinking at this point that I didn't leave the hotel and nothing could be further from the truth, well ok on one day I went for a walk. Here's some of the highlights I've what I saw:

A house with measles:



The sea:



The lovely sand dunes:



And to think I spend a fiver on pots of sand from Games Workshop, could have saved myself a fortune here. The sand dunes did include this sign:



Something is prohibited, not sure what though, it could be Russian kings.

After a long trek across the dunes, which resulted in copious amounts of sand in the shoes, always annoying how does it get everywhere? We approached one of the sites – the Lighthouse:



Sadly it was rather sunny at the lighthouse, so I couldn't see my camera screen, so I had to guess where to point the camera and this was the best shot I got, sorry:



For some reason they like to put weighing scales around the island, so you can see how much you've eaten at the buffet. Either someone was a bit fat here, or unhappy with the reading:



Ok it was me! But that ice cream was tasty.

There's the place where they filmed the Barclaycard advert:



And of course the dodgy man from the 70s who advertises all electronic products in Spain, here you can see him advertising the Wii:



I personally wouldn't buy anything off him.

And there's this, everyone's favourite area:



That is until you actually go there and realise the only people who use the Nudist area are people who you don't want to see using the nudist area. There bodies look so bad; they just have given up caring. Seriously the average person was 80 and their breasts were dragging on the floor carving out their own sand dunes – and that's just the men!

And that my friends is Gran Canaira in a nutshell, not sure if I'll get that job with the Tourist Board but you never know. To end with here's the reason you should always wrap your paints tightly in several bags if you're transporting them anywhere:



Ahhhh it's a Skull White explosion!

I'm off to beat up my flatmate for telling how many times he's been to the gym since he got back. My weight loss efforts have so far struggled to a haircut, well they must have cut off at least 50g worth of hair.

Next week, I'll hopefully have a battle report for you (I keep promising that so don't get excited), I'll be working on December's Great Eagles and they'll be news of the Black Isle Campaign which my Beastmen will be losing I mean entering next week. Until then, here's a summary of what I painted for those of you who like to read the bottom of these posts to get to the point:



And I leave you with this lovely picture, which if you've seen Qi this week will know isn't true:



I'd like to say what a pleasure it is being back in grey old London ready for work, but I can't. Grassy arse for reading!

[Veldemere]

Why have I not had this blog in my life until now! Fantastic work Matt, loving it (although if I am honest I have currently only read the first 6 pages so if it sucks after that I reserve the right to punch you in the back of the skull, but I doubt there will be any need for that. Entertaining, informative and wonderfully illustrated.

Well done mate

[cunningmatt]

Why have I not had this blog in my life until now! Fantastic work Matt, loving it (although if I am honest I have currently only read the first 6 pages so if it sucks after that I reserve the right to punch you in the back of the skull, but I doubt there will be any need for that. Entertaining, informative and wonderfully illustrated.

Well done mate

Hey! Glad to have a new reader, I see you've been busy on the forum!

Thanks for the compliment, I think the next 11 pages live up to the first 6, if I remember rightly they get more vulgar, knowing you though I think you'll approve!! Though maybe don't read today's earlier post when I'm around. Don't want a punch in the back of head if you're jealous of my holiday!!

[Veldemere]

Jealous of the sandpit when I have just come back from skiing, not sure that is possible

[cunningmatt]

Jealous of the sandpit when I have just come back from skiing, not sure that is possible

Well at least I won't get a punch in the head! Hope skiing was great, enjoy the rest of the blog!

[fatolaf]

Yes make sure you kill your second born child, oh and don't smoke either – good health advice.

Amongst many good comedy gems this was my favourite...

Great update and well done on your result last night (not going to give anything away  )

[cunningmatt]

Amongst many good comedy gems this was my favourite...

Ahh, I loved that sign, though I am telling my friends I look habitually elegant a lot of the time.

Great update and well done on your result last night (not going to give anything away  )

Cheers x2, and in the words of Kirsty Wark on Newsnight (ala Dead Ringers) there will be more on that story later...

[cunningmatt]

Wednesday 19th January – WEEK 3

Do you ever feel Games Workshop have gone too far with their publicity for the new Skaven models? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12187409

Personally I think that's too much. Anyway let's crack on shall we? This week we've gone hobby crazy, yeah after last week's holiday snaps and painting in the sun (hope you saw) it's pure unadulterated hobby with painting, a battle report and my exploits in the Black Isle campaign, so there's going to be no time for jokes about necrophilia and Dancing on Ice – sorry.

Painting

Let's start with painting, as it's been a while and we've all got a bit confused what with advent calendars, reviews of the year and Spanish islands here's where we're up to:



And what was painted each month:

September – Lothern Sea Guard
October – Ellyrian Reavers and Shadow Warriors
November – Mage
December – Repeater Bolt Thrower and Great Eagles
January – Archers

The astute amongst you will have noticed that we're missing December and January's painting tasks, well the good news after a very productive weekend at Mr Shakey Shakey's progress has been made. Here's the details.

The Great Eagles actually didn't take too long once I assembled them. Sadly 40mm x 40mm bases don't have a central hole for the flying base to attach to. So dotting some white paint on the bottom of the clear stand I dotted a space on the rear of each base which I then cut out:



The Great Eagles were then green stuffed, which fortunately unlike the Ellyrian Reavers didn't necessitate filling their bottoms, phew!



As they had such large bases, that they weren't actually touching, I detailed the Great Eagles bases. One of which had some Repeater Bolt Thrower bolts (from the Bolt Thrower kit) imbedded in the ground along with some bones (from the Warhammer basing kit) that the Eagle is descending on for a quick snack.



The other had a pile of rocks (from the Warhammer basing kit) and a Elven helmet (from the Bolt Thrower Kit) and a Shield (from the Silver Helms kit – yes I bought them!).



The advantage of having Elven parts on each base was that it allowed me to introduce the Elven colours to the Great Eagles without having to paint them blue and yellow! I have a bit of a pet hate of monsters/creatures who are painted the colours of the army's clothing, it doesn't look right (I mean I suppose the army could have dyed it's banners to match the creature's flesh, but it's tenuous) so you won't be seeing any sky blue Dragons or bright yellow Griffons in my army. Obviously if monsters share the same colours as their respective race's skin tone that's different, just no Red Empire armies who happen to have a Griffon exactly the same shade of red – not right! I'll get off my soap box now.

It took much deliberation in what colours to paint my Eagles, whilst the typical alternating rows of feathers, as shown on the GW models, appealed it reminded me more of falcons and would arguably look much better on my Griffon where I had more rows of feathers to play with. In the end, after seeing this picture in the High Elf book (I like finding some reference to validate my choices, even though I'm sure if I painted the Eagle bright pink no one would bat an eyelid!):



I decided to paint them like North American Bald Eagles. A quick look at some pictures from Eagle porn (phwoar look at the wing span on that), on the internet gave me an idea of where the Eagle's feather colour changed.

So here for the first time ever, is all 4 painting stages together, as I managed to get these done in a day! Go me!!

Oh and apologies for the poor photos, the Great Eagle models are really difficult to photograph, had to lean them up against paint pots to get a decent shot!



Stage 1 – Great Eagles







White Feathers: 1:1 Khemri Brown: Bleached Bone
Black Feathers: Chaos Black
Beak: Tausept Ochre
Flesh: Iyanden Dark Sun
Talons: Chaos Black
Tongue: Hormagunt Purple
Base: Khemri Brown
Silver Metal: Chainmail
Gold Metal: Tin Bitz
Wood: Khemri Brown
Rocks: Chardonite Granite
Quivers: 1:1 Ice Blue: Enchanted Blue
Yellow Shield: Iyanden Dark Sun
White Shield: 1:1 Skull White: Astronomacian Grey

Stage 2 – Great Eagles







White Feathers: Wash with Gryphonne Sepia then Drybrush Bleached Bone
Black Feathers: Drybrush 1:1 Chaos Black: Kommando Khaki
Beak: Layer Golden Yellow
Flesh: Wash with Ogryn Flesh, then with Gryphonne Sepia
Talons: Highlight 1:1 Chaos Black: Kommando Khaki
Tongue: Layer Liche Purple
Base: *NO CHANGE*
Silver Metal: Wash Badab Black
Gold Metal: Shining Gold
Wood: Layer watered down Graveyard Earth
Rocks: Drybrush Adeptus Battlegrey
Quivers: Drybrush Ice Blue
Yellow Shield: Layer Golden Yellow
White Shield: Layer 2:1 Skull White: Astronomacian Grey


Stage 3 – Great Eagles

By the way the Sun came out during these photos, hence the different lighting – I know, in Britain in January, who'd have thought!!







White Feathers: Drybrush 1:1 Bleached Bone : Skull White
Black Feathers: Drybrush Kommando Khaki
Beak: Layer tip 1:1 Golden Yellow : Scorched Brown, edge nearest head highlight 1:1 Golden Yellow : Skull White
Flesh: Layer Iyanden Dark Sun
Talons: Highlight 1:1 Chaos Black: Bleached Bone
Tongue: Layer Warlock Purple
Base: *NO CHANGE*
Silver Metal: Highlight Chainmail
Gold Metal: Wash Gryphonne Sepia
Wood: Layer watered down Bleached Bone
Rocks: Drybrush Codex Grey then Fortress Grey
Quivers: Drybrush 1:1 Ice Blue : Enchanted Blue
Yellow Shield: Layer Sunburst Yellow
White Shield: Layer Skull White

Stage 4 – Great Eagles

By the way the Sun came out during these photos, hence the different lighting – I know, in Britain in January, who'd have thought!!









White Feathers: Drybrush Skull White
Black Feathers: *NO CHANGE*
Beak: Layer tip 1:1 Chaos Black : Scorched Brown, edge nearest head highlight Skull White
Flesh: Highlight Bleached Bone
Talons: Highlight Bleached Bone
Tongue: Wash Leviathan Purple
Base: Drybrush Bleached Bone and flock with Static Grass
Silver Metal: *NO CHANGE*
Gold Metal: Highlight 5:1 Shining Gold : Mithril Silver
Wood: *NO CHANGE*
Rocks: Wash Badab Black
Quivers: *NO CHANGE*
Yellow Shield: Wash Ogryn Flesh then Highlight Bad Moon Yellow
White Shield: *NO CHANGE*

The Eagles' eyes were painted Chaos Black, then Enchanted Blue with highlights of 1:1 Enchanted Blue : Space Wolves Grey, then Skull White.

And then I got bit carried away, and finished the High Elf Monolith, you know the one from Forgeworld I started back in November:



I won't do a full painting guide for this, as it was actually rather straight forward. Rocks, base, gold and silver are as above. The Monolith itself was painted Calthan Brown, then washed Badab Black then heavily drybrushed Khemri Brown, then Dheneb Stone, then Bleached Bone and finally 1:1 Bleached Bone : Skull White. And doesn't look to bad if I do say so myself.

Ok so the Bolt Thrower and Archers aren't quite done, but they are so close it's unbelievable all I have to do is gems and eyes so that should done by the weekend if not before, more details next week!

The Black Isle Campaign

You can't fail to notice that's its been busy on the forum what with Warhammer 40,000 (whatever that is) tournaments starting up and the Black Isle campaign kicking off. Not a minute goes by when scurrilous insults are trader on this forum – either that or you've all got nothing to do at work.


Well not one to miss out on a good chance to insult someone I've joined the campaign, not with my High Elves but with my Beastmen. You may be wondering why given how Beastmen don't seem to fair well against other armies. In fact that is the reason exactly, if I lose terribly everyone will assume it's the Beastmen's fault and not the fact that I'm not very good at Warhammer, mooo ha ha ha – (that's an evil laugh written down in case you didn't know!).

And feeling suitably inspired I have come up with some "fluff" for this army, I'm not quite sure where I came up with my inspiration but here goes:

The sun was just beginning to clip the treeline of the forest, dusk was fast approaching as a
great wail was heard. Beastlord Brown stood into the forest clearing and collapsed his one good eye twitching in the pale light. A mighty roar went up from the gathered Beastherd, their leader had died. It was almost unheard for a Beastlord to die of old age, but this one had, not that he hadn't had his opponents, ever since beheading Beastlord Blair and taking control of the tribe Beastlord Brown had been threatened by rivals. But his vicious rage and ability to throw fax machines made sure he saw off even the most spirited challengers such as Wargor Blears.

But now the tribe was without a leader, ordinarily the previous leader's killer would fulfil this role, but old age itself could not lead the tribe. So the two most powerful Beastmen stepped forward Great Bray Shaman Cameron and Beastlord Clegg, Beastmen custom prevented the Beastlord from killing the Bray Shaman and the Bray Shaman knew he needed the support of the Beastlord to rule the tribe. So as sun set the two made a pact to the Ruinous Gods of the North (and Croydon) that they would lead the tribe together, and lead it beyond the forest. Great Bray Shaman Cameron had heard the call of the Chaos Gods, they were beckoning him out of the forest to rampage somewhere knew on a place called the Black Isle.

Great Bray Shaman Cameron:



Cameron the Great Bray Shaman had long been an opponent of Beastlord Brown, unhappy with the way he ruled the tribe. He had learnt the powerful Lore of the Beasts from a great master who only allowed those with lots of gold to be schooled by him.

Beastlord Clegg:



Beastlord Clegg had earned the respect of the tribe and was favoured by Bestigor, Gor and even Ungor. However since coming to power, his respect has dwindled, as Great Bray Shaman Cameron had somehow managed to make Clegg seem responsible for every misfortune that befell the tribe.

The herd pushed on through the forest rampaging through several Empire farmsteads on there way to the port of Marienburg. On the outskirts of which lay the Marienburg Naval Academy, the hoard began it's assault destroying the ancient building. The students of the Academy were not happy, knowing they would have to pay more money in order to rebuild the Academy they fought back, but before long the beastherd had them kettled within the Academy grounds. Cameron commanded the beastherd to find a ship, which they did. Unfortunately it was not in the Beastmen's nature to find and use technology only to destroy it. Clegg got the blame. At the ninth time of asking the Minotaurs were restrained long enough for the army to board the ship. The Empire ship set sail, and passed the coast of Bretonnia on its long journey to the Black Isle.

It was while Cameron was drunk on the cheap duty free, that the Harpies circling the ship spotted the Black Isle. The ship's pilot had also been on the cheap duty free and so the ship beached itself rather ungainly on the beach of the isle. With the whole heard disembarked the Minotaurs promptly lost control of their frenzied rage and destroyed the ship much to Cameron's disgust. Clegg got the blame.

Aware that other nation's were trying to seize the Black Isle for themselves, Great Bray Shaman Cameron split the herd, he would lead the faster elements of the army on lightning raids against all comers, whilst Beastlord Clegg would keep the majority of the infantry behind to defend what they had gained. Clegg wasn't thrilled at the prospect, but worried he'd get the blame agreed.

Anyway obviously I don't want to give away my full army list to all the other opponents ad I might lose, but if I do give it away then it's another excuse should I lose! So here's how the tribe was split:

Great Bray Shaman Cameron's Army:

Wargor Ed - Battle Standard Bearer



Twin brother of rival Battle Standard Bearer David, Wargor Ed was proud to have been chosen over his brother to bear the tribe's standard. An excellent fighter, though not the most attractive Beastmen he was a big supporter of Beastlord Brown.

Hammersmith & City - 2 Tuskgor Chariots



Named after the two Beastmen gods of poor travel conditions Hammersmith & City represent everything their gods embodied - ramshackle

The Deficit Reducers - 20 Gors with Two Hand Weapons and Full Command



Under Beastlord Brown the tribe had buried a lot of their gold in the river banks, unable to find where the gold has been buried the Deficit Reducers are tasked with pillaging gold from rival tribes and enemy armies and rationing it within the tribe itself.

The Common Scum - 5 Ungor Raiders with Bows



Despite the best efforts of Bray Shaman Cameron to drive the scummy Ungor out of the tribe by making their lives intolerable and miserable a few cling on desperately, if it were up to Cameron they'd be hunted down and killed.

Banking Bonus Bouncers - 6 Minotaurs with Light Armour, Great Weapons and Command Group



Those in charge of burying the tribe's gold at the river bank had been discovered to keep a portion of the gold for themselves. Bray Lord Cameron entrusted the Banking Bonus Bouncers to patrol the river bank clobbering those who bury the gold.

The Benefits Vultures - 6 Harpies



Beastlord Brown under his rule had seen many Ungors die, so against Beastmen ways he made sure they were given greater access to food and rotated close to the camp fire to give them warmth. Cameron hated this and so employed these Benefits Vultures to strip the Ungor of any advantages they may have previously got.

The Out of Hours GPs - 6 Centigors with Spears, Shields and Full Command



Medical care amongst the Beastmen tribes was virtually non-existent, however to cut the costs of running the tribe even further Bray Shaman Cameron employed 6 Centigors to deal with any medical complaints – it was amazing how many people suddenly felt a lot better when they turned up.

Beastlord Clegg's Army:

Wargor David - Battle Standard Bearer



David the Battle Standard is bitter that Ed beat him to the place of Cameron's battle standard bearer when he was expected to have a much stronger chance of winning than his twin brother. Notice the family resemblance.

Cable – Bray Shaman



Bray Shaman Cable is Beastlord Clegg's right hand man, competent with number he counts the beastlord's troops for him, but has a bitter hatred of Sky and anyone who fields the Lore of the Heavens.

Immigration Limiters - 20 Gors with Two Hand Weapons and Full Command



Completely different to the Deficit Reducers – honest. The Immigration Limiters patrol the outskirts of wherever Clegg's army is camped making sure no Polish Beastmen enter the army and steal our jobs. They often need to go into ambush to accomplish this task.

Student Bashers - 20 Gors with Hand Weapons, Sheilds and Full Command



The Student Bashers look for any educational establishments they can find and smash the living daylights out of any revolting or attractive scholars studying there, trained by the Metropolitan Police they are a robust fighting force capable of serious damage.

The Noisy Common Scum - 5 Ungor Raiders with Bows and Muscian



Sometimes the scummy common Ungors like to remind the Gors they exist in the hope they will be offered food. A musician helps to draw the attention of Clegg, usually so he can whack the offending Ungor though.

The ASBO Abolishers – 20 Bestigors with Great Weapons, Heavy Armour and Full Command



Capable of tacking down even the yobbiest of human youths the ASBO Abolishers have helped remove the human criminal classes by killing them and holding onto their burberry tops waiving them proudly above their regiment. They are Clegg's elite infantry.

V.A.T. – 3 Minotaurs with Great Weapons and Light Armour



V, A and T are Beastlord Clegg's personal Minotaurs, recently they've grown an extra 20% and more than capable of causing disarray running through markets destroying signs displaying prices among other things.

So anyway you've met the armies, how did they get on? Well at present I've only fought one battle, the remaining one will be tomorrow. My first battle was against James Bretonnian's who were raiding my area of The Black Isle – which admittedly sounds like gay innuendo, but I assure you it wasn't. Here's a quick summary of how they got on.

The Student Bashers made their camp in the tower that Beastlord Clegg defended, throwing fire extinguishers off the roof to fend off attack. Whilst the Bretonnians prayed to their vile human gods the whole Beastmen army ran forward to defend the tower with no units choosing to ambush. The Bretonnian Lord alongside his Knights of the Realm attacked the tower causing many casualties amongst The Student Bashers but unable to shift them.

The Student Bashers abandoned the tower, whilst The ASBO Abolishers accompanied by Bray Shaman Clegg and David occupied the tower. The Bretonnian Knights set about attacking the Beastmen units, with The Student Bashers eventually succumbing to the Knights of the Realm. V, A and T and the Knights Errant played chicken as both attempted to charge each other but fell short before the Knights Errant finally charged and whilst V, A and T held them up for a while they eventually were killed.

At the tower the Bretonnian's sent in their Men-At-Arms in a bid to wear down The ASBO Abolishers, with the vile sorcery of the Human mage they were stronger and thus able to kill many Bestigor, though not as many as Bray Shaman Cable who had three miscasts before he finally killed himself and many Bestigor.

Outside the tower the battle raged with Beastlord Clegg and the Immigration Limiters locked in a bitter struggle with the Knights of the Realm, Knights Errant and Pegasus Knights. Clegg himself personally fought off the Knights Errant killing their hero, and when the Immigration Limiters became frenzied the Pegasus Knights were all but killed. However the Bretonnian Lord struck down Clegg in a personal challenge and from then on it was curtains for the Immigration Limiters however they held on long enough to prevent the Knights reaching the tower.

As the sun began to set only David the Battle Standard Bearer and The ASBO Abolishers' champion remained in the tower, the only two Beastmen left alive. The Men-At-Arms charged in with their Mage and David sought her out in personal combat cutting her down, and whilst The ASBO Abolishers' champion died, David the Battle Standard Bearer held the tower waving his banner in defiance and shouting "Ed couldn't do this good, why did you vote for him"

So my first game had gone well, I won, just with my Battle Standard Bearer being the only surviving Beastmen (although reduced to his last wound), and he fended off the Bretonnian's from the tower. It was my first ever victory with the Beastmen (possibly the first ever Beastmen victory in the history of Warhammer). Overall I was pleased with the Beastmen's performances as although they eventually fell to the Knights they held them up for a long time, and had my Beastlord not died in the challenge with the Bretonnian Lord (who he wounded twice) we may have even finished off some Knights too.

Winning the battle won my 3D6 gold, unfortunately I rolled a deeply unimpressive 5 so 50 gold for me. However I had two injuries to look at after Clegg got killed in a challenge and Cable blew himself up in miscast. Clegg lost his arm and Cable nearly had a mental breakdown, oh dear. Next week I'll let you know how Great Bray Shaman Cameron gets on raiding The Empire.

Battle Report: High Elves versus The Empire

And finally, I've promised it for months I know, but here is the Battle Report between my 600 point High Elf army, from this very blog and Lee's rival Empire army. Apologies for any slips of memory as we did fight this back in November, and apologies for slipping between the first and third person, I have no idea what I'm writing!

The armies were of course taken from our painting exploits, I'm sure somewhere I've done a miscalculation on Lee's army as it comes to 619 points but that's almost certainly an error in the midst of time! Incidentally I have translated Lee's hodgepodge collection of models (standard for him) into their Empire equivalents for simplicity!



And here's the battlefield we fought over. As we were using such small armies we played on a 4 ft by 4 ft table and we didn't award victory points for generals and standards as they'd have too big an influence at such a small scale.



Before the game I formed a relatively simple plan, knowing Lee's selection already, I planned to use my Shadow Warriors scout move and my Ellyrian Reavers vanguard move to get them into Lee's deployment zone and star engaging his gunline in combat as soon as possible before my army was shot to pieces. Wizbit started in the Lothern Sea Guard, I was worried a miscast could destroy nearly half of my army, but in previous games Wizbit had been taken out easily so I felt he needed the protection. Would my plan work? Well you'll have to read on...

Deployment




The armies face off against each other in a battle of "Who can paint the best yellow?"

Lee's wizard took from the Death lore, switching Doom and Darkness for Spirit Leech and keeping Soulblight. Wizbit took High Magic because as I said: "I just about remember what the spells do" getting a reasonable selection in the form of Curse of Arrow Attraction and Fury of Khaine as well as the free spell Drain Magic.

With Lee's Empire starting deployment it was clear the hill was going to be the dominate feature as the Crossbowmen deployed on the hill, with the Mortar and Hand Gunners adding to the firebase. Whilst an ominously large block of Spearmen deployed with the Wizard on the western side of the hill. On my side the Smoggy's Sea Guard and Wizbit starring down the barrel of several weapons position themselves so as to with Mage positioned so as to take advantage of the cover offered by the building. Peter's Blue Ellyrian Reavers positioned themselves on the extreme flank hoping to make a dash for the rear of the Empire hill. Once normal deployment was over Raven's Shadow Warriors snuck in behind the forest ready to threaten the western Empire flank and the Ellyrian Reavers used their vanguard manoeuvre to take them up the eastern flank – perilously close to the Empire gun line. And with that battle lines were drawn.

High Elf Turn 1



Both sides rolled a 2 to see who would go first, but as the High Elves had finished conventional deployment first they went first much to the Ellyrian Reavers relieve, as the unit marched up out of the Empire firing arc to threaten the flank of the Crossbowmen. Meanwhile Raven's Shadow Warriors marched their sights firmly set on the Mortar (aka Halfling Hotpot – they'd obviously had bad food there). Wizbit realised that him and the Sea Guard were now the only viable target for the entire Empire gun line, so bravely advanced to take shelter behind the wall.

The Winds of Magic blew mid level providing 8 dice for me and 4 for Lee, no one channelled but Wizbit's Jewel of the Dusk provided a 9th power dice. Wizbit started his magical assault by casting Curse of Arrow Attraction unopposed on the Hand Gunners hoping to help Smoggy's Sea Guard whittle their numbers. However Lee's wizard refused to let Wizbit cast Fury of Khaine on the same target which was dispelled, Wizbit then failed to cast Drain Magic.

In the shooting phase the High Elves were unable or unwilling to concentrate their shooting. Despite the high toughness of the Mortar the Shadow Warriors picked off a single crewmen, not enough to prevent the Mortar firing next turn. The Ellyrian Reavers felled a single Crossbowmen and despite Curse of Arrow Attraction the Sea Guard could only take down one Hand Gunner. Not enough for any panic tests, still at least it was consistent.

Victory Points – High Elves: 0 Empire: 0

Empire Turn 1



The movement phase was relatively uneventful with only the Spearmen marching forwards to get to grips with the Sea Guard. The magic phase continued to be the definition of average with 7 power dice. Lee decided to throw 4 dice in an attempt to cast a long range version of Spirit Leech on Wizbit. The Elven mage knew this was too much power and watched as the dreaded double 6 came up, the Wizard has miscast, but there was nothing Wizbit could do to stop the spell. With tension mounting for the fate of both spellcasters myself and Lee both rolled a dice, and both rolled a 6 – Wizbit's higher Leadership saving him from any damage. However the Empire Wizard was not so lucky with a roll of 4 on the miscast table a Dimensional Cascade opened up consuming him and 11 spearmen, including the unit Champion who failed his Look Out Sir Roll in continuing bad luck. The unit then failed it's panic test fleeing backwards and stopping just short of the Shadow Warriors.


The cataclysmic explosion of the Empire Wizard leaves a massive hole in the Spearmen

Hoping to regain something the Empire's gun line, opened fire – the only valid target for most of it was Smoggy's Sea Guard. The Mortar positioned it's massive template directly over Wizbit's head ready to blow him sky high, however fate was still not with the Empire as it scattered 10" away taking a massive chunk of the nearby hill out – but nothing else. With the hard cover of the wall and the long range the Crossbowmen and Handgunners were at 7+ to hit and so were only able to take out one of the Sea Guard – still better than the magic phase.

Victory Points – High Elves: 125 Empire: 0

High Elf Turn 2



Seizing the moment of disarray in the Empire ranks, the Elves declared a raft of charges the Shadow Warriors leaping into the Mortar to finish what they started and the Reavers ploughing into the flank of the Crossbowmen spears lowered.

With the Empire Wizard dead the magic phase blew stronger, ahhh the fickle finger of fate, producing 10 Power Dice for Wizbit and 5 for the Empire. Wizbit realising he needed to remove the Handgunners from action to allow his Sea Guard to advance safely from behind the wall, started off with Curse of Arrow Attraction on them, cast on an impressive 17 on 3 dice (including magic level, so no miscast). Without their wizard Lee's forces were unable to then counter Fury of  Khaine which smashed into the Handgunners killing 6, they promptly broke and fled through the Crossbowmen to end up cowering behind the hill.

Things continued to go badly for the Empire as the Shadow Warriors butchered the Mortar crew and destroyed the machine before over running into the other flank of the Crossbowmen. The Ellyrian Reavers then killed a single Crossbowman in a disappointing round but the Shadow Warriors wiped out another three, surprisingly the horses failed to do anything (that's never usually the case). In retaliation the Crossbowmen killed a single Shadow Warrior and a Reaver, despite losing the combat by three the Crossbowmen were steadfast and refused to flee.


Peter's Blue Reavers stand on tip toes to reach the Crossbowmen


The Empire may have not killed many Elves, but at least they were neat and only killed one from each unit...


...whereas the Empire dead pile was slightly larger

Victory Points – High Elves: 200 Empire: 0

Empire Turn 2



Lee's phase was rather restricted as everyone was either fleeing or locked in combat, on the plus side both the Spearmen and the Handgunners rallied. The Spearmen reformed to charge into the rear of the Shadow Warriors next turn, unfortunately the Handgunners were behind the hill now!

There was no magic with the Wizard being dead, and no shooting with the Handgunners having rallied and the Crossbowmen being engaged, so straight into combat where Raven's Shadow Warriors brought down two Crossbowmen as did Peter's Blue Reavers, again the steeds failing to live up to their reputation and not killing any one. The Crossbowmen were unable to cause any damage back, but again remained steadfast.

Victory Points – High Elves: 200 Empire: 0

High Elf Turn 3



With the Mortar destroyed, the Crossbowmen in combat and the Handgunners safely behind the hill Wizbit advanced the Sea Guard out from the safety on the wall bearing down on the Empire Spearmen. The Winds of Magic blew relatively weakly, so Wizbit threw all his dice into casting Fury of Khaine on the Spearmen, even without their Wizard the Empire army was able to dispel it. With everyone having marched or being engaged in combat there was no shooting to speak off.

In close combat the High Elves needed to break the Crossbowmen in the hope they could flee out of range of the Spearmen who were poised to charge into the Shadow Warriors next turn. The Shadow Warriors unleashed their hatred of everyone each of the five remaining warriors killing a crossbowmen, including the musician. There were only two Crossbowmen left now, if the Ellyrian Reavers killed both the unit couldn't flee and thus the Shadow Warriors would be in the firing line next turn. However the Reavers only were able to kill the standard, again the horses doing nothing, leaving the champion alone and outnumbered. He fought back against the Shadow Warriors wounding them, but to add insult to injury, they saved the wound with their light armour.

Victory Points – High Elves: 353 Empire: 0

Empire Turn 3



Lee charged his Spearmen into the rear of the Shadow Warriors, requiring a 7 to make the charge they rolled a 7. I decided to hold as I was worried they'd flee the board, however I realised my mistake, the Shadow Warriors were unlikely to survive the combat and would break allowing the Spearmen to pursue into the rear of the Reavers and likely wipe them out too. A third of my army lay in the balance and the tide could swing.

With no magic it was onto shooting only two Handgunners were able to shoot past the hill, and both missed the Sea Guard. It was time for the vital combat phase, my position worsened when I realised a second mistake, that only the back rank of my Shadow Warriors could fight, foolishly I thought the second rank could support but obviously being charged in the rear they couldn't. The Shadow Warriors did they best scoring three hits and three wounds out of three, had this given them the best chance of holding. No, as two Spearmen rolled 6s so their light armour saved them. The Spearmen replied by wiping out three of the Shadow Warriors, it didn't look good, knowing the combat resolution was massively in Lee's favourite I casually asked "Can I still hold on a Double 1?" not remembering if the rule made 8th edition, and then I casually rolled a double 1. Phew I'd been saved, just, the Spearmen were frustrated as the two remaining Shadow Warriors simply refused to run away.


"Can I still hold on a Double 1?"


The Shadow Warriors really aren't going to budge, as Lee cries in the background!

Victory Points – High Elves: 353 Empire: 0

High Elf Turn 4



Smoggy's Sea Guard determined to rescue Raven's Shadow Warriors knowing full well they wouldn't survive another turn, requiring just a 7 to make it into combat they rolled a 3 and trundelled forward a few steps. Peter's Blue Reavers knew they were standing in a very precarious position so hot footed it out of the way and took up position behind the Handgunners.

The Winds of Magic blew relatively weekly dealing out 6 dice, Wizbit started off by casting Curse of Arrow Attraction on the Handgunners to allow the Reavers a good chance of wiping them out. Rolling a 13 Lee felt he had to throw all 4 dice in to stop it, but again luck was not on his side and he failed to stop. Unopposed Wizbit was now able to cast Fury of Khaine, scoring 6 hits it wiped out the Handgunners to a man making Curse of Arrow Attraction rather pointless. With no valid targets left for shooting the Reavers twiddled their thumbs waiting for next turn.

In combat Raven and his one remaining Shadow Warrior attacked first, despite the reroll only one of the three attacks hit killing one Spearmen. The Spearmen replied by wiping out the Shadow Warriors. First victory points to the Empire!

Victory Points – High Elves: 449 Empire: 108

Empire Turn 4



With nothing much to do Lee advanced his Spearmen down the hill so the Reavers couldn't charge them (as now behind the hill), and with no magic, shooting or combat that was it.

Victory Points – High Elves: 449 Empire: 108

High Elf Turn 5




The Spearmen looked slightly surrounded

Wizbit considered leading the Sea Guard into charging the Spearmen, but rationally there was little to gain from the advantage of the charge he decided to spend a turn softening them up to let them charge him next turn and lose the rank bonus. The Ellyrian Reavers however crested the hill meaning if the Spearmen did charge next turn it would allow the Reavers a rear charge in the subsequent turn.

The winds of magic blew strongly with 9 dice being drawn, Wizbit just cast Curse of Arrow Attraction after rolling a poultry 5 on 3D6, but this was easily dispelled. He more than made up for it by rolling an impressive 14 on 3D6 for Fury of Khaine, Lee was unable to stop it. And Khaine hit 8 Spearmen doing 7 wounds, the unit just passed it's panic test. However they were in for more trouble as the shooting phase begun, the Ellyrian Reavers killed one Spearmen leaving 5 left, then the Sea Guard opened fire, benefiting from having not moved they scored 5 wounds, only the Standard Bearer's light armour saved him. However having seen all 12 of his remaining comrades shot down he promptly fled.

Victory Points – High Elves: 449 Empire: 108

Empire Turn 5



With less than 25% of the Spearmen left, in fact just one, they required a double 1 to rally, and so carried on running. Would they stay on the table long enough to deny me their victory points?

Victory Points – High Elves: 449 Empire: 108

High Elf Turn 6



The hunt was on, as the remaining High Elves closed in for the kill and those last victory points, victory (barring catastrophic miscast) was assured so it was for glory alone. The Ellyrian Reavers spun round on the hill for a good shot at the lone Spearman, whilst Wizbit left the Sea Guard allowing him a clear arc of fire on the fleeing Spearman.

Wizbit summoned forth the Fury of Khaine again, rolling a 13 (despite Lee encouraging him to roll 5 dice – I wasn't that foolish!). Lee had one chance to stop it, and rolled a 12. It was curtains for the Spearmen and a total wipeout of the Empire army.


Wizbit supervises the final kill

Victory Points – High Elves: 619 Empire: 108

Conclusion – sounds rather school science reporty doesn't it?!

Well whilst the victory points show a massacre, I was very lucky, or more to the point Lee was very unlucky. His Wizard blowing up on the first turn and taking out a chunk of Spearmen was unfortunate and gave me a massive advantage. Overall my plan worked well I think, using the fast moving Elves to get into the Empire deployment zone (over half my army was there before Lee even had a turn!!) and then engage the Empire on my terms. My major mistake was not fleeing the Shadow Warriors from the charging Spearmen, firstly I was too worried they'd flee off the table if I simply fled – not realising the threat they posed to the Reavers should they break and flee. And secondly I forgot they wouldn't fight in two ranks, I think to be honest I got a little too confident here. Fortunately I was very lucky to get a double 1 for the break test and deny Lee a chance to take the Reavers too. In the end I only lost 8 Elves, and 6 of those are Shadow Warriors – no self respecting Elf is a friend of a Shadow Warrior so no great loss! My lesson to learn is to pick and choose your battles with the Elves and fleeing is always a viable option. I have to say special thanks to Lee for letting him record our battle, and being such a good sport when things went badly, playing on to the end when he could have easily thrown in the towel. As always a pleasure.

Incidentally we had played the same battle earlier on, and things had been different, though the Shadow Warriors and Ellyrian Reavers got behind the enemy lines early on (the Shadow Warriors even shot all the Mortar crew on their first turn), my Lothern Seaguard got shot to pieces and routed by the Spearmen and Wizbit got hit in the face by a volley of Handgun fire. Thank god for that wall this time round!

That's it from me this week, in an exceptionally long blog, well done if you made it. Next week they'll be more from The Black Isle and I'll have finished January's painting tasks so see you then. Incidentally if you'd like to play a game with me for a future battle report on this very blog (I promise I don't just record the few games I win!), then PM and let me know. Please bare in mind it will take longer than usual to play due to all the recording. Until next week (or I leave a comment during the week) bye!

[Veldemere]

Shame, I always feel there is room for jokes about necrophilia and a little Dancing on Ice, the more you can combine the 2 the better!!

This plog keeps going from strength to strength, love the bat rep too, really clear, can't wait to be beaten by you and hope it gets the same treatment as at least I might have some idea why I lost when I sobered up.