July 16, 2019, 03:00:10 am

News:

Come to our store on 1½ Whip-Ma-Whop-Ma-Gate, York and play more games....


Procrastination by Numbers

Started by cunningmatt, August 09, 2011, 10:42:14 pm

« previous - next »

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

fatolaf

Have I won a prize yet?   :wink;m::

Great to see the blog back sir, prepare to be stickied.... :cool3:

noahtonkin

Quote from: jackhoneysett on August 10, 2011, 10:25:15 am

Did you use your warhammer case as a riot shield Matt?



One of those kevlar battle foam cases could do both I think!

Good to have the ramblings back, i was starting to think about painting stuff myself!
Quote from: Mike
Anyone bringing whats considered 'filth' submits themselves for a pre-game roshambo from everyone in the room at the time.

OG Games' latest foray into madness... http://ogforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=2794.0

House Martell. Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. House Tonkin, every sunday morning, Unbowed, Unbent...Broken!

cunningmatt

Wow! Thanks for all the nice comments, and I didn't have to talk about Warhammer!! For painting fans I promise they'll be some by the end of the week. To answer some of the more amusing replies (or more to the point, to answer things I can think of vaguely amusing things to reply with):

Quote from: Garzini on August 10, 2011, 08:29:44 am
Matt, If I were you, i'd steer clear of reading any Cthulhu related material.

(you may sleep better!)


I think it's best, it took me a month to regain normal sleep pattern after reading Animals of Farthing Wood.

Quote from: jackhoneysett on August 10, 2011, 10:25:15 am
Oh my god! - They killed Althran! - You bastards!


Yes, and to think the people of Manchester are moaning about Miss Selfridge - some perspective is required please!!

Quote from: fatolaf on August 10, 2011, 11:57:44 am
Have I won a prize yet?   :wink;m::

Great to see the blog back sir, prepare to be stickied.... :cool3:


No but we have a new rather pointless, prize free competition coming soon. Thanks for the stickying (is that a word, that doesn't sound dodgy), took me months to get that with OG Gamers!!


Procrastination by Numbers - Update 146:

I'm painting classic Dwarfs!! PbN Update 146

cunningmatt

Update 3 - Thursday 11th August 2011: Storm of Bullshit

Given my discussion of current events yesterday, it would be remiss of me to not at some point make mention to what has happened in the last month or two since I regularly contributed to the blog-o-sphere. Of course the biggest development in the World of Warhammer has to be Storm of Magic.



Warhammer: Storm of Magic is conspicuously titled "the first expansion to Warhammer" - which has sequel written all over it about as subtly as a programme ended with the phrase "to be continued". Given the impending course we've set ourselves down I would like to suggest a few potential expansions for everyone's (except Steve of Rage Quit fame) favourite tabletop game:

Light Gust of Cheap Card Tricks - New expansion in which all wizards have the same level of skill and likeability as Paul Daniels. Low level wizards would be able to master card tricks (such as going round Clinton Cards without the need to vomit uncontrollably in the general direction of all the Forever Friends crap), whereas Wizard Lords would be able to saw enemy characters in half, though they'd have to put them together again in the subsequent magic phase.

Isle of Death by Chocolate - Broadly speaking the same as the original Warhammer, except that all the models are replaced by various types of chocolate - proportional to the points cost of the model. So a lowly Empire Spearmen would be represented by a Cadbury's Chocolate Button, an Ogre by a profiterole and a Dark Elf Dreadlord on Black Dragon by one of those giant bars of chocolate that WHSmith seem to determined to force upon you with every purchase. When one of your models is removed as a casualty your opponent gets to eat it. On the plus side the models would be a lot easier to transport to games, though you might need a travel fridge, on the downside if you were to break and rundown a unit of Chaos Knights you'd probably develop Type 2 Diabetes.

Warhammer: T.O.W.I.E. Version - Rather than destroying the enemy army in Warhammer: The Only Way is Essex (yes I'm disgusted with myself for knowing T.O.W.I.E. refers to The Only Way is Essex) each army has to race to massacre as many members of the cast of The Only Way is Essex and Keeping up with the Kardashians as possible. Ideally played with the real members of the cast and a live tiger. It would be Games Workshop's first range where the models are 90% less plastic than the objects they are trying to represent.

To the Death - Much like standard Warhammer with the one important rule that if anyone turns into an anal rules knob, by asking stupid questions or taking ridiculously annoying combinations of units you are fully allowed to beat them round the face with a second hand flip flop, or the Warhammer Rule Book whichever was closest to hand. I'd buy several copies.

Storm of Magic is of course nothing like any of those supplements, instead it combines monsters and cataclysmic spells in a deadly mix designed to cut great swathes through your army. I haven't managed to have a game yet, but to be honest it sounds like great fun, provided of course you don't take the game too seriously - in which case you should probably be playing something more serious anyway like Russian Roulette or Connect 4.

Having had a good read of the book, I have to say I'm quite looking forward to adding some monsters to my armies, maybe a Great Taurus and a Lammasu, or a pack of Sabertusks. Although the whole thing has made me annoyed that I gave away my spare White Lions from my Tiranoic Chariot sets, to be honest I'm usually quite restrained at holding onto my spare parts, but the person asking was actually quite cute and I only agreed in a pathetic way to curry favour with them - god dam having a penis for a brain. Also I think my Tzeentch Warriors of Chaos army would benefit from having a hoard of Pink Horrors and Flammers marching alongside it - as everyone loves a pink horror fun bus (no I'm not still talking about my penis). So there we go I'm looking forward to playing Storm of Magic.

In other Warhammer based news Ritchie has returned to the OG Forum after noticeable absence, for those of you unfamiliar with Ritchie he's a bit like one of those legends of disappearing villages that you hear about. In that he will spend one week on the forum, but then disappear only to return twenty years later, and start posting again for one week. Or something like that anyway. I'm probably being rude, but he must be due to leave the forum any day now, so he'll probably never read this!

Of course there isn't just the Warhammer world, there's the real world too, and stuff's been happening there in the last month or so using my specially adapted Wheel of Bullshit it's time to have a quick review of the world at large:

Wind of Controversy



Over the last few months the world has been aghast at the news that tabloid journalists are sometimes a bit naughty, which is similar reaction to getting shocked at the news that serial rapists don't send flowers on anniversaries. I personally was very angry at the news of all the phone hacking and decided to tell the News of the World personally, so I left them a message on Sienna Miller's answer phone - thanks Charlie Brooker for that gem! As the story rumbled on Rupert Murdoch got a pie in the face, in the most pathetic act of civil disobedience ever, particularly compared to recent events, it was  about as effective as protesting about the Conservative Party by farting in a lift in Milbank House. The upshot of this is that Mick Hucknull look-a-like Rebekah Brooks (who needs to look up how to spell Rebecca) has resigned, and the News of the World has closed - an act which will single-handedly create a 15% rise in weekly toilet paper sales. Obviously my phone hasn't been hacked, I can confirm this as no journalists have been reported to have died of unmitigated boredom.

Wind of False Compassion



Back in July, Amy Winehouse sadly died, despite my complete lack of cultural knowledge, I am aware of whom this person is. Now before I start, don't get me wrong, of course Amy Winehouse's death is a sad thing, I'm not saying it isn't. But I found it hard to empathise with the public outpouring of grief at the, for want of a better word, "importance" of this news. I was out of the country when news broke, but I was informed of this by a barrage of Facebook messages, e-mails and tweets all trying to tell me the sad news as soon as possible. Yet less than a week earlier scores of people died in a terrible terrorist attack in Norway, and no one found it necessary to communicate this to me at all. Surely no matter how talented Amy Winehouse is, the death of someone who essentially inflicted it upon themselves through abusing their body, isn't as sad as random people mown down by a madman. The very nature of humanity is that we can't deeply care for people we don't really know, maybe if we did the world would be a better place - though you'd be unable to sit through the 10 o'Clock News without sobbing your way through an entire box of tissues. All I'm saying is my limited amount of grief that I have for people I don't know is surely more deservingly spent on people other than Amy Winehouse. I found I had similar confusion at the nation's outpourings to Princess Diana, Michael Jackson and Jade Goody (who I suspect may come back to life in some outrageous publicity stunt organised by Heat magazine - but that's probably mean of me to say). And if you think that comment is in poor taste then take a look at this spectacularly misjudged report from ITV News scoring Michael Jackson's funeral against Princess Diana's! Apologies for the random Japanese voiceover in this post, but you get the general drift:



Wind of Foreigners



Since I last blogged at you, I've managed to go abroad twice. One was a holiday to France - which was amazing, thank you for asking. And the other was a work trip to film on a cruise ship around the Mediterranean. It's customary for people who work on programmes filming abroad to tell you that it's all hard work and you don't get to relax and enjoy the places. Sadly I can't do that, because it wasn't hard work at all, in fact it was amazing and I got to see Naples and La Palma - and it was all paid for by my employer. You obviously now hate me, but if it's any conciliation my karma is balanced out by the fact that I have all the social and romantic skills of an undercooked Ginster's Pasty. So if you're jealous of my "holiday", then spare a thought for me wandering the streets lonely and unloved... like the personification of a Monday morning. More on my travels in the future.

Wind of Oops I Spent too Much Money



It would be remiss of me not to mention the flurry of new Warhammer models that have come with Storm of Magic, I would talk about the Vampire Counts models but at the time of writing I've seen very little of them. The same cannot be said for all the Warriors models which I have already bought, assembled and started painting, like a feverish imp.



Obviously being a mere mortal, unlike the various automatons who e-mail in a picture of the newest model fully painting to the Games Workshop website within seventeen nanoseconds of its release, I haven't finished painting them yet. I'll be sure to add some piccies in the near future.

Talking of painting I probably should talk about that at some point..., errr..., yes,... maybe next update.

I should have course take this opportunity to thank our resident five year old artist, if you're new to my blogging, well... oh I can't explain it, it's frankly inexplicable.

And I should definitely thank Mr Shakey Shakey, again inexplicable, a.k.a. Shakey Rup, a.k.a. his real name, for my brand new avatar photo, which I rudely forgot to thank him for upon mentioning it on my first update. Primarily because I am a git. To make it up to him, I thought I'd show his handy photography off first hand, by showing you the full uncompressed image:



As you can see it's a very artistic photo of a model I've been working on, and me working on more models in the background. But out of focus, which is how I appear best in photos and incidentally how I appear best in bed - never underestimate the power of rohypnol, it's really given new life to the ugly.


Procrastination by Numbers - Update 146:

I'm painting classic Dwarfs!! PbN Update 146

fatolaf

Quote from: cunningmatt on August 11, 2011, 08:17:51 am
on the downside if you were to break and rundown a unit of Chaos Knights you'd probably develop Type 2 Diabetes.


Consider that sigged... On a very cold and wet day in Sweden, that made me chuckle, fortunately for my Mother´s laptop, I had finished eating before i read it.... :cool3:

Quote
Surely no matter how talented Amy Winehouse is, the death of someone who essentially inflicted it upon themselves through abusing their body


The tabloids have stalked her and Docherty for years, waiting for this too happen, some of the "tributes" that they had for her almst made me sick.
She was a okay singer who had one good album, who I doubt will be remembered in 50 years as some of the other singers who all dies at the same age (27) that the tabloids were tryig to lump her in with, Joplin, Hendrix, Morrison, Curbain......Mind blowing  :bash;m:

Quote
The very nature of humanity is that we can't deeply care for people we don't really know, maybe if we did the world would be a better place


Getting a bit profund in your old age there Matt.... :wink;m::

cunningmatt

Quote from: fatolaf on August 11, 2011, 01:58:58 pm
Getting a bit profund in your old age there Matt.... :wink;m::


I felt I needed to balance out yesterday's reference to my anal sphincter.


Procrastination by Numbers - Update 146:

I'm painting classic Dwarfs!! PbN Update 146

fatolaf

Quote from: cunningmatt on August 11, 2011, 02:06:29 pm
I felt I needed to balance out yesterday's reference to my anal sphincter.


Karma........... :devilangel:

Cyberactivity

Ol, did you just post "cobain...mind blowing"?? lol. Bit bad taste, at least not the best phrase to be using. lol.

This is the best kind of blog. Much like the black sun podcast it contains a little warhammer content and a lot of funny non related stuff. Gold.

fatolaf

Quote from: Cyberactivity on August 12, 2011, 08:24:13 am
Ol, did you just post "cobain...mind blowing"?? lol. Bit bad taste, at least not the best phrase to be using.


Meh...I loved Nirvana but I thought he was an idiot for doing what he did..

However the pun was not intended, my bad... :cool3:

Dave

Quote from: Cyberactivity on August 12, 2011, 08:24:13 am
Ol, did you just post "cobain...mind blowing"?? lol. Bit bad taste, at least not the best phrase to be using. lol.

Awesome, I didn't even spot that.  I believe everyone should have the right to euthanasia but should be in a slightly more tasteful method than blowing ones own head off.  Current circumstances make me thing it should be taken out of certain peoples control and enforced upon them, though that's a slightly different matter.